Changes...

Well, after a lot anticipation, I discovered that I got the mentor assistant position that I interviewed for. I am definitely happy about that, but after I read the e-mail congratulating me, I only wanted to tell one person...It was hard but I didn't say anything to him...I'm still having a hard time even grasping the reality of all of this. But I'm trying hard...Really hard.

I'm not sure if I've lost weight, but I definitely haven't been eating...I ate some chinese food last night (for some reason, Chinese food is like a magical cure...believe it. It's true.) but really, that's all that I have eaten. I haven't had an appetite. I have been drinking a lot of water in an attempt to fill the gaps... Hopefully I can eat soon.

I have been throwing away all of the clothes that he liked and pretty much anything that is tied to him that isn't important enough to me to save...I have decided to keep all of the other memorbilia that are paper or pictures or whatever. I don't want every trace of him out of my life forever, just the every-day reminders that I can't help but be sad when I see them...

Hopefully by next week, I'll be able to post pictures of my room.  I started painting it last Saturday. When I was in high school, I decided that I wanted my room to be green and orange. So my mom and I got to work. We painted quickly and really didn't pay much attention to detail. I just wanted to get it done. I got a new bed, a new computer moniter and a TV. It was awesome and I felt like the coolest kid ever with the best mom ever.

Now, I just need change. I've needed it for a while, but now I really need it. I painted all of my walls a blueish-green color. All the trim (base-boards and door frames) are in the process of being painted white. It's hard though...white isn't covering the orange and green very well, so It will definitely need more than one coat. And I sould have painted all the trim before I did the walls, but...Oh well, I've already got the wlals painted.  Before and after pictures will be coming soon Hopefully.

Well, until next time, blog world...

P.S. When was driving home from the gym yesterday, I heard this new T-Swizle song on the Radio.  What do you think? Is it a sign? All the songs I've been hearing are either break up songs or get-back-together songs... Or I'm over you songs...It's confusing my heart and my brain :(

Ugh

Last night and today are the first days since J left for MCT that I have cried over missing him. Of course I miss him. And I've cried over many thing, but these past couple of days have been extra difficult.

I've been trying to plan a trip to go see him, but although I'm an adult and I have my own job and my own bills and responsibilities, I'm not "allowed" to go down to see J by myself. Not only that, I drive a 76 Ford Maverick. Not exactly and ideal travelling car. So I have to rely on someone else to take me down to see him because I'm not old enough to rent a car and I haven't ever driven a long distance by myself.

I was hoping to go down with his sister so that we could do some engagement pictures. I haven't known J very long, so we have about a total of...5 maybe 6 pictures together and most of them are too silly or not all that cute. Basically not appropriate to use for wedding invitations or anything like that. But she can't. So now, we won't have any pictures of us together for a guest book, or to decorate at our wedding or for our invitations...And then when I asked his mom if she could go when I was planning, she couldn't either.

And even if they could go, it wouldn't be the same...I just want to spend time with him by myself and it just isn't a possibility. Being young sucks. So bad. I am feeling being away from him more than every becuase I just can't get help to go and see him...I hate it so much.

But it's what I signed up for. Right?