Road to Recovery

Today has been...horrible.

I have tried so hard to just keep my chin up and just be okay. But I'm not. I feel like there is just a cloud hanging over me. I spent a lot of my morning laying in "bed" (I'm sleeping on my little sister's floor because I all of sudden decided I had to paint my room) and hating my life.

I cried, and I screamed and I texted J way too much and I did exactly what I told myself not to and what I wouldn't. I begged. To this moment in time, we haven't even talked about this for one minute on the phone. It has all been through texts. How freakin' stupid is that?

I begged and begged and I told him that I would get in my car and be there in the morning. That I wasn't ready to give up and I didn't want to lose him. Of course I was shot down and just continued to hurt and cry and scream and hate. He explained to me that he had "moved on" and truly had no feelings for me anymore...

I'm sorry for saying this, but does that actually happen? Do you wake up one day and say "Welp, I think I'm gonna stop loving my Katie Girl today...I'm sick of her."  ugh...I didn't want this post to be a vent, but now that's exactly what I have made it.

On the bright side (I use bright very lightly unfortunately, let's say a little bit lighter than dim-side) I'm finally getting started on my blog design! I'm not as excited as I was before all of this happened, but I still want my blog to look great even though it is about to morph into something completely different than I had planned.

I also had a personal training session today. My trainer is a cute 23 year old that is always so sweet and makes me feel so good about myself (Even though he makes it so that I can't walk the next day...) so I was actually glad to go and get out of the house. He said a bunch of swear words and listened to me rant about how upset I was and that was good. Personal training may as well be therapy and he's helping me get ready for Basic.

I guess until I get things all figured out and pick myself up of of the floor...(ha, I'm literally sitting on the floor right now...) I'm just going to be as lost as ever. I don't know what to do, but I sincerely appreciate all the kind comments that I got on my last post. I really needed to hear all of the things that everyone had to say. I hope that you're all right. I hope that it gets better...because right now, it kinda feels like the end of the world...I guess that I have just started my road to recovery. I hope that it isn't as bumpy of a road as I'm anticipating...

Love Hate Realtionship

There are a lot of things that I love. On the flip side, there are several things that I hate. And sometimes, I both love and hate things.  All of the below photographs are things that I both love and hate.  

I really love to cross stitch. But it makes me horrible sat when I make a mistake and I have to either cut my thread up and waste a bunch, or I have to un-stitch  inorder to save the thread...It drives me crazy and makes my very relaxing hobby stressful.

Even more then having to un-stitch or waste thread, I hate knots. Because the floss is stored on small rectangle bobbins, the thread gets kinked in that shape. It's also three strands of thread, so if you aren't paying careful attention to every single stitch, you get a huge messy knot that you have to untie. And if it isn't fixable, sometimes you have to cut it and yet again waste thread...ugh.

I also love projects. I think it's fun to find something that needs improvement and make it better. But sometimes, I bite off just a little bit more than I can chew. My latest project is called "Operation find the missing socks spread all over my home". This is just the first basket of socks that I found and then folded. Currently, the room I took half a day cleaning has about 50 pairs of socks without buddies spread across it...and I have a whole other basket and then some left. I hate that

If I'm being completely honest, there is nothing that I hate about this little vacuum. I love this thing. I have hard wood floor in my room and it is just a pain to sweep. but this little guy picks up everything. I love it so much that I instagramed it...Yes, I love a mini vacuum cleaner...

I absolutely love cooking and eating my delicious meals...but I hate that I can't just eat a small portion, I have to eat half of the Cream-a-Soup concoctions. It's not helping the whole negative body image issue that I've got going for me...

Don't ask why this picture is upside down...because I'm not really sure why. But these three beauties are my biggest weaknesses. I can't stay away from them and they are making me gain weight...all that extra sugar is no good so I really love and hate them a whole lot.