Changes...

Well, after a lot anticipation, I discovered that I got the mentor assistant position that I interviewed for. I am definitely happy about that, but after I read the e-mail congratulating me, I only wanted to tell one person...It was hard but I didn't say anything to him...I'm still having a hard time even grasping the reality of all of this. But I'm trying hard...Really hard.

I'm not sure if I've lost weight, but I definitely haven't been eating...I ate some chinese food last night (for some reason, Chinese food is like a magical cure...believe it. It's true.) but really, that's all that I have eaten. I haven't had an appetite. I have been drinking a lot of water in an attempt to fill the gaps... Hopefully I can eat soon.

I have been throwing away all of the clothes that he liked and pretty much anything that is tied to him that isn't important enough to me to save...I have decided to keep all of the other memorbilia that are paper or pictures or whatever. I don't want every trace of him out of my life forever, just the every-day reminders that I can't help but be sad when I see them...

Hopefully by next week, I'll be able to post pictures of my room.  I started painting it last Saturday. When I was in high school, I decided that I wanted my room to be green and orange. So my mom and I got to work. We painted quickly and really didn't pay much attention to detail. I just wanted to get it done. I got a new bed, a new computer moniter and a TV. It was awesome and I felt like the coolest kid ever with the best mom ever.

Now, I just need change. I've needed it for a while, but now I really need it. I painted all of my walls a blueish-green color. All the trim (base-boards and door frames) are in the process of being painted white. It's hard though...white isn't covering the orange and green very well, so It will definitely need more than one coat. And I sould have painted all the trim before I did the walls, but...Oh well, I've already got the wlals painted.  Before and after pictures will be coming soon Hopefully.

Well, until next time, blog world...

P.S. When was driving home from the gym yesterday, I heard this new T-Swizle song on the Radio.  What do you think? Is it a sign? All the songs I've been hearing are either break up songs or get-back-together songs... Or I'm over you songs...It's confusing my heart and my brain :(

What I Learned At Work Today

I have been neglecting this  little dealy so here I go!

Lately, I've been working really hard to get healthy (okay, so I've been fantacizing about how I would get healthy and not really doing what needs to be done...) so I have been learning some stuff about healthy eating habits, cooking, and more fitness stuff.

I've had an extremely negative body image lately and I feel like getting healthy would help that to go away.

So this is what I've learned about healthy eating and fitness:

1. Bake things instead of frying. It takes out the oils and is typically just as good as if it had been fried.  I think that I'm going to try these baked cheese sticks for a snack instead of picking up the kind from Arby's. It will not only save money, but it will be heathlier.

2. Cook! When you don't eat out, you will eat healthier. That's just the facts.

3. Don't ban certain foods. Instead wean away from them to where you don't crave them. When you ban food, it automatically makes it more desiralble.

4. Eat more fruits and veggies. In general, they are better for you. They have nutrients that you need and are the foundation of a healthy diet.

5. Try more protien instead of carbs. It give you energy for longer.

(#s 3-5 found here)

FITNESS

1. Work out 6 days a week with one rest day.

2. Focus your work out on certain muscle groups, don't just wander the gym and expect something to jump out at you.

3. Set goals. They make it easier to get up and go and you feel accomplished when you reach them.

4. Don't give up. When you give up, you have to start all over.

5. Fight to be healthy, not to be skinny.

I'm going to try really hard to pound these lovely facts that I learned today into my skull so that I can actually life a healthy lifestyle. :)

Because I feel like complaining

I am really learning to hate the fleet.
In the two weeks that J has been a fleet Marine we've talked on the phone for about 40 minutes one night (friday...so he had the rest of the night off of course) and that is just about it. a few minutes here and there and a couple of texts.
I don't know if he's just so busy and tired that he can't take a minute to talk to me, or if he just doesn't feel like making a minute to talk to me. Which would be unlike him...but it seems like he doesn't want to talk when we're talking. And for him, it probably doesn't seem that way, because he's busy doing crap all day long, but I'm not. I notice. It doesn't feel good and I don't know how to talk to him about it...

I'm not the kind of girl that must have a goodnight phone call every night and I don't need a play-by-play every day. It's just not necessary for me to know his every move all the time. But I miss him. And when I have a crappy day (aka: every day...) I just want to hear his voice. I don't think he understands what it means to me to have him call me...but when he doesn't it's like it just makes my day that much worse. I just feel shrugged off for more important things...which I guess I should probably get used to...

The other thing that is frustrating, is my sister is now in a relationship (facebook official and everything) with the friend that J introduced her to and she talks about how they talk all day long and how he's so excited to skype her and blah blah blah and just makes it seem so much worse that I'm not talking to J...

I love him more than anything in the world, I just don't know how to deal with this without sounding like I'm selfish...What he's doing is important. I don't want to distract him from his work. It's important to him to make sure he knows what he's doing and that he holds his own against the infantry Marines in hikes and all that other stuff. I don't want to sound like I'm being a big baby and have him get all frustrated with me because he doesn't know how to make time for me. Or maybe he just doesn't want to make time.

I don't know. I'm done complaining...guess it doesn't matter...It's my blog and I can complain if I want...not like anyone reads this anyway.

What I Learend At Work Today [Week 3]

I learned a lot of things today.

I did some cross stitching and I read some blogs of other people who are in my similar situation. They are married to, or are in realtionships with men in the military. Each one of them seem to have different struggles. Sometimes it's that they are raising a child alone. Sometimes they are surviving a deployment. Other times, they are just dealing with the every day struggles of loving a man in the military.

Well, I think that I learned something from these ladies, is that this is not as good as it gets. I read all their stories of how much fun they have in exciting new places and I see how wonderful  (and have felt how wonderful) it is when you see your man for the first time in so long. I learned that I need to try and see the bright side of my situation. I'm not alone in this and I have a whole lot to look forward to. I need to be more excited about it and less anxious.

I also read something that was...kind of strange. I saw something on Pinterest that was about "Fitspiration" I had never heard that word before Beauty Redefined told me about it. Basically, it's all those picutres you see on FB, Twitter (I don't tweet, but that's what the article was saying...so I guess I believe it.) and Pinterest that have a photograph of a very fit person with something "motivational" next to it such as "No matter how slow you are going, you are still lapping everyone on the couch".  They likend it to "thinspo" (the stuff that promotes eating disorders) and made is sound bad...This article was basically saying that we shouldn't be encouraging these types of Pins, tweets, etc. because they promote negative body image towards oneself. It makes you think that one body type is better than the other or even one type is "correct" when put next to another.

Personally, I like those motivational pictures. I don't really pin a whole lot of them. I have a few but they aren't exactly like the ones that are being described, but I feel like this article only saw one thing in these pictures:  The "perfect" bodies of the women. It's like they ignored the fact that the things that the little quotes say are not negative things most of the time. They are just trying to say, Hey, get up off the couch and do something active. It's good for you. The people that take that as "my body is not acceptable" should take a second look. Becase it's not about having a body that is right or the best, it's about feeling good about the way you look. And If you aren't happy about it, do something about it.

But of course, that is only my opinion...What do you think about "fitspiration"? Is it motivational, or does it make you feel bad about yourself?

I learned something else today, but it's really boring. I heard something on the radio this morning about it being the 200th anniversary of the War of 1812 this year and I realized I couldn't remember what it was about. Well, in case you were wondering, I found out that the war of 1812 began becasue Great Britain didn't want Napolean's France to trade with anyone so they started trying to regulate the trade from other countries including the US. The US having only just gained independence and not wanting to be threatened by the "Mother Country" began to defend themselves. They fought many battles that eventually ended with the Treaty of Ghent (Modern Belgium) that settled their issues and ended the war. Unfortunately, news of the Treaty didn't travel fast and another battle began against Andrew Jacksons' soldiers. They won their battle and it boosted U.S. Morale and was really a good thing for the US. So Cool. 200th anniversary of a pivitol war that no one knows anything about!  To learn more, I got my info from History.com. It's

And that! Is what I learned at work today.

Trampling The Pansies

It's offical, J is now a Fleet Marine. He is no longer "Student Status". 

I am so proud of him. Having followed him through this whole process and aspired to do the same things that he is now doing, I feel like I can...appreciate it. I am also insanely jealous. I can't even describe what I would give to be able to be a Marine. I wouldn't give J up for it. And my family. But that's about it.

You know, when I got discharged, it was a pretty big deal to me. I was sitting in the interview room with my recruiter and he looked and me and said, "I'm sorry but you've been permanently disqualified..."  I tried my very best to put on a my "big-girl" face and not get upset about it. In fact, I almost expected to feel a little relieved.

A little background might be helpful...
After J proposed, we kinda decided we might want to rearrange my plans a little bit and I considered asking to get discharged. I eventually decided not to but I got my date moved from March 5, 2012 to May 21, 2012. That's this coming Monday...So I figured, hey, if I get discharged because of getting hurt, it's no big deal because I thought I wanted to get discharged anyway. Right?

No. after 15 seconds after he told me it had sunken in and I started to cry. I felt like the biggest baby ever and my recruiter got this very scared look on his face. Poor guy...He had to deal with a crying 18 year old girl. No fun.

I texted J and and I asked him to call me when he got the chance. I got lucky and he called me about 2 minutes after I sent that text. My recruiter walked out of the room and I just lost it. I was crying so hard I couldn't speak. J was sitting there on the other end waiting for me to tell him that someone died.  Well, I finally caught my breath and I told him what had happened. I'm not really sure how he felt about it when I told him, but I felt like he was happy. I can't blame him. Not having to deal with two military schedules was going to be so much easier for our relationship (Even though right now, I feel like it doesn't get harder than this...unfortunately, I know that it does.) I know that somewhere in there he was happy and felt like it was for the best...And maybe it is, but maybe it isn't...

When I got home and spread the word of what happened, I was a mess. I was crying and worried about my life and I felt (and still feel) so very lost. Everyone basically made me feel like I wasn't allowed to feel that way. They (they being my family and J) kept telling me that I'm still young and have my entire life before my eyes and I shouldn't feel like I this. Well, I've got some news for them and for anyone else who has something to say about it.

I don't care how I should feel. And it doesn't matter one bit to me that I could, supposedly, have my pick of careers. I didn't/don't care that I might find something better. I'm just hurting. I'm hurting that my dream was taken from me. And I'm hurting because I've been too far from the love of my life for too long.

You might know better than I do, but I have to figure this out for myself...I need to grieve this great loss and find something better for myself and I don't need other people telling me what I should feel like and what it's supposed to be and what I could do...Those things don't matter all that matters is how it is.


I guess that until I figure that all out I'll just be...trampling the pansies.

What I Learned At Work Today [Week 2]

so this was supposed to happen on Wednesday, but I got a little carried away pinning things for my wedding...Oops. So this got a little waylaid. But never fear, I shall tell you what I learned at work today!
So, on Monday, I had to go pick up a perscription after work. I had to hurry to the pharmacy before my doctor's office closed. I made it in the nick of time and put in my perscription and had to wait for over an hour to get it filled so I went home to do some chores and figured I'd go pick it up later. Well, the phramacy called and the perscription was ready. Awesome.
So I jumped in the car, turned the key, and my car would not start! Now, my car is pretty old. I've said before that I drive a 76 Ford Maverick. But up until Monday (my BIRTHDAY!) I have never had a problem. My cute little Franc has always been pretty reliable. Unfortunately, my dad can't figure out what's wrong.  That meant that I got to drive the van to work today. The van isn't a bad vehicle, but when your dad has been driving it for the past year and the steering wheel has this awesome grimey man-film on it and the seat belt got my white dress all dirty...So the first thing I learned today (okay so it was yesterday now...), was....

 That I was crazy when I decided I wanted that car in the first place! Don't get me wrong. I loooved that old guy since the day I got him. But I really should have considered the fact that I was going to have to sell him off later to get something else...Now I'm stuck dropping off my dad every day and driving the dumb old van. : P at least I have something to drive though, right?

Hmmm....well it's still early, (my shift doesn't even start for another 30 minutes...I'm always really early) so I might need to cruise pinterest and yahoo for a minute to learn some more things to share with you today.

Later on...

Wow. Pinterest has a lot of things dealing with fitness and motivation to get fit and quick little "Get a bikini body after working out for 20 mins every day" dealies. And I most definitely learned that I need to go to the gym...You know that if you are reading the 10 exercise work out that takes 20 minutes and you feel kinda tired just thinking about it, you have been away from the gym far too long...

Also, I discovered Sandwich Art (what the hell?) Sure, It was cool when my mom used the flower cookie cutter to make my PB&J more interesting but really? These things are like...crazy intricate and it looks VERY time consuming. You can see it here on one of my pinterest boards. Holy moly moms are getting creative these days. If I ever start making cartoon characters out of sandwiches, stop me before it's too late...

Well, I have another post to write before this day is over. So. Until next week!

What I Learned At Work Today [WEEK 1]

Welcome to my Weekly post, "What I Learned At Work Today"! (I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I ran out of time at work!  This will be a Sunday post after this!) If it looks like that photograph was taken on the floor of the the handicap stall in the bathroom, it wasn't... (okay, it was...) We're not allowed to have cell phones on the call floor in any way shape or form, including camera-form, so I had to do something! Don't worry, I threw that paper away.  I decided that due to the fact that we are fairly slow on Sundays and I tend to learn very interesting things while I'm at work, I would share with the blog-world.  Sometimes the things I learn are from Pinterest, sometimes they are from blogs (okay...via Pinterest most of the time...) and sometimes, I'm just awesome and I learn things for myself from my experiences or from the things that hear while on calls all day. Not all of my "What I Learned At Work Today" posts will be long and they won't all explain what this is, but I thought you might like a little bit of background behind the idea. I will do my best to credit everyone that I learn things from if it's possible!

Today, I leared a couple of things.  First I learned that...

Saving money starts in the kitchen!

     Because I'm about to become a Military Spouse, I know that I'm going to have to be good at handling our money. (Heaven knows J won't be the one doing that! He can't resist a good looking jacket...) It's not unlikely that if we're stationed somewhere that doesn't have a big city around for 50+ miles, I won't be able to find a job, so we're going to be living off of BAH (if we're off base) and his Lcpl. income... Having read a lot of Military Spouse blogs (and a lot of mommy blogs and couponing blogs and blogs where their money is kinda tight) I have noticed that the place everyone starts is the kitchen.

    Food is something that we use up, then just have to buy more. It's like...laundry. It never ends. You simply have to do it every week or else it piles up and then...you have to go out naked. Not a good situation. Well if you don't do something about food, you starve!  And we cannot have that!  So, what do we do? We learn ways to make our dollar go further when it comes to what we put in our bellies. So far, this is what I've got.

1. Couponing is very smart. You can read more about what I already know about couponing in my post, Couponing: Simplified.
2. Freeze stuff. I learned all about what you can freeze and how to freeze it here at Simple Organized Living. The cool thing about these types of sites is that other people comment with the things that they freeze and how to freeze them. This is cool because that way, you can buy in bulk when things are at rock-bottom prices and freeze it...if it's feezable that is. Which is where the list comes in!
3. Meal Plan!  This didn't really come from anywhere specific. A lot of people say it's a good idea.  It saves moneys because you can shop with a very specific list and you won't end up spending money on things that you don't need.
4. Don't buy prepared meals (TV dinners, boxed dinners, etc.) They are more expensive and there are a lot of things that you can cook yourself that will taste even better than the prepared meal.
5. Get a really extensive recipe book or create a recipe repetoire online. Having the tools to cook at home make it so you don' tjust decide to go out which will end up costing you a lot more money than monthly grocery shopping!

If I didn't credit someone, I decided that on my own. If I did, click the link. You can learn something today too!

Next, I learned that...

Computer animation is the Coke Zero of movies

You must be thinking...Whaaa?? Well, I have two sister that are diabetic and I drank diet soda most of my childhood (we're soda drinkers...I have a coke, like, every morning...don't judge, I'm tryna quit.) That means that when I started drinking regular Coke, it was like I had see the light...I realized what I had been missing all these years and it brought joy to my life knowing there was real sugar in my pop. Anyway...Later in my life, they came out with Coke Zero. I thought, "Hey, maybe I'll start drinking that. Zero Calories, Zero sugar, still tatest good...That's awesome." Well after one sip I was disgusted. It was sooo close to tasting just like Coke, but it didn't. It wasn't even like it was an off-brand like Shasta or something, it was just...still not that good old, coke in a red can taste. Needless to day, I didn't make the switch.

Anyway...Today, I was eating my Wendy's salad in the break room and a movie was on. I think it was Tin Tin? Honestly, I'm not really sure. But I couldn't really tell if it was animated or live-action. I had to ask the kid sitting on the couch. Now, computer animation is pretty cool. I love Pixar movies. Up! is truly a modern classic...But isn't the whole point of animation that it's not supposed to look real?  It was frustrating because it was so close to looking live-action, but it wasn't.  Do you understand the connection? Good :)