The Way I Am

Lately, I've been doing my best to avoid making big and concrete plans. I don't know exactly where I'm going to be after I get home from AIT and I don't know that I'll want the same things that I want now.

But today, I am so thankful that I have options.

I'm thankful for ambitions and my sense of adventure, and I so beyond thankful for my ability to adapt to any given circumstance. I am so very thankful for the way that I am. That's a bit of a blanket statement, but you get the idea.

Although I am not quite where I want to be, I have the ability to try and get there and I am so thankful for that. 

Right now, I've got the makings of a plan. And I am really hoping that it will work out. What are my plans? I might as well tell you. I don't believe it jinxing it. 

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Okay...so Grey's Anatomy is not my plan. But Seattle? Seattle is my plan. The University of Washington is my plan, to be more specific.

I am also applying to a few other schools. 

Source: University of Utah Campus Store

source: Caste Football

The biggest draw back to going out of state, is that it's going to be expensive. I'm hoping to figure out a way to get residency and I'm praying that the school is military friendly so I can hopefully afford to go there, should I get in. 

This dream to go to college is a fairly new one. The only reason that I wanted to go to college in high school, was because I felt like it was the next step, well now, I am actually feeling a desire for higher education. And I want to do it in a way that no one in my family has done before. I want to move away from home and learn in a new environment. So Washington is my first choice. But maybe I'll end up somewhere else. I guess we shall see. 

Maybe.

If I figure out how to pay for it. 

*I am also thankful for grants!!!*

So, by December 1st I will be applied to several schools.  Sadly, I won't find out if I got in to anywhere before I leave. Oh well. I guess sometimes you gotta roll with the punches...

If any of you awesome military spouses out there know a thing or two about how to make school affordable with military benefits, I would really appreciate it!

Don't forget to show some love to my awesome sponsor: Nay's Custom Leather. It's getting close to Christmas time and I know that you're husbands will like some of the products that he has to offer!

My Wants and Some Places

As it turns out, I'm not so good at this challenge! But I still really like it and I want to stick with it until the end!

This day that I miss is 7 wants. Sadly, I have lots of wants. I am very ambitious and I strive to attain many things. I don't necessarily think that it's bad to want, but sometimes, I makes me seem ungrateful for the things that I already have. I assure you, I am happy (most days...) with what I have but wants keep us on our toes and working to achieve more!

I want...

1. To love and be loved. Doesn't everybody? When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up really is the hardest part. I don't want to feel that loss when I wake up anymore. I want to dream of a new love that loves me and will stick by my side no matter the challenges that we face...

2. I want higher education. I want to learn more. I want to learn...everything. Like I said, I am so ambitious. I just want to fill my head with all sorts of knowledge that I can apply to my life and also so I can look cool with all my facts about all things ;)

3. I want muscles. Oh man to I want to have awesome muscles that you can see when I'm not flexing...I'm not srue that it will ever happen though. Maybe some day...

4. I want a cherry red, hatchback Subaru Impreza...I can't really explain to you why, I just...want one. Bad. I'm saving up now and I'm hoping that by the time I'm finished with AIT I'll have enough saved up to get me one.

5. I want spaghetti. That might sound stupid, but seriously? I want it all the time. It's my favorite food and I just can't resist it. In fact, I want it right now.

6. I want happiness. I want happiness so bad that it hurts. I'm not completely miserable all the time...but it's just so hard to be down right happy about my life. I want that so bad.

7. Lastly, I want a freaking computer. I want to be able to make my blog more awesome without fighting with my sister over who gets to use my mom's computer. I want to get more work done while I'm at work...and I want to have all my own stuff on the computer without everyone else's make it all cloudy!

 This one is dangerous...Places...I decided to interpret this as place that I'd like to go instead of places that I have been. So here it goes!

1. Turkey! I took AP Art History in high school and I love architecture. This place is the most magnificent to me and I would love to see it in real life...Also, I love places that hold great significance to the world's history and Turkey is certainly one of them.

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2. Greece. Again, I'm a sucker for the architecture and the art etc. But also, it's the birth palce of the Olympics which is...totally awesome!

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3. Australia. Why? Because I want to see a kangaroo in real life and hear men speak to me in that beautiful accent while I lay on the beach...

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4. Disneyland!!!! I have been there, but I really love that place. Every time I go is better than the last...

 

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5. Washington DC. I want to go there because of all the obvious reason and especially because of the history. I also want to go to all of the historically significant places in the east

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6.  Hawaii...Duh, why not?

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Excuses, excuses...

Over and over again, I say that there is no way to predict what is going to happen next in your life, yet I am always extremely surprised at what I find around the corner. But lately, it's good stuff :D

I'm kind of afraid to talk about what is going on right now...I don't want to jinx it. But when/if everything that I'm hoping for works out, the blog will hear about it, that is for sure.

After my consult tomorrow, I will lay down a post that will blow your mind with how awesome it is, but right now, I can't keep my mind in one place long enough to write something that feels worth it. So, until tomorrow!

Soft Landings

I don't know when I got so domestic (let's blame it on Pinterest!) but all I ever want to do is cook, clean ( I used to HATE cleaning with a burning passion...especially dishes. Now I love doing dishes.) sew, and craft. What the heck?

If I had to decided exactly where this new-found love for DIY, cleaning/organizing, sewing, and saving love really came from, I think it's more of an indicator that I am making a transition into true adulthood. Sure, I was technically an adult at 18. At that age you can get jobs you couldn't get before, buy dry ice, go to the county jail instead of DT, vote, and join the military. But as I prepare to do things like live on my own, join the Army (if that works out...), get married (eventually!), and live a life independent of my parents, I'm very concerned with making things work out well for me.

And Pinterest just feeds the obsession...It makes it all so accessible. Why would I ever want to buy a dress again if I can make one that is less expensive and custom made for my body? Why do you eat out when you can find a million things that taste better than Cafe Rio? How do you justify shopping anywhere but thrift stores when you know that Pinterest, in conjunction with the blogworld, will help you create exactly what you need? 

It makes me feel confident, that when I'm living on my own and I have a family, we can live a life in which we take control of the things that we can control, and we let the rest of the pieces settle into place wherever they fit. Sure, you can't plan for what is around the corner, but you can try to make yourself a soft landing incase it's going to be a pit-fall...

Broken

Today's post is about October 16, 2011, the day all of my dreams were crushed. I explained it a little bit, but I didn't really give you a good idea of what happened. so here it is. All the gorey details (plus pictures!)

 

I went for a bike ride with one of my friends from the DEP. I didn't know that we were going mountian biking and I didn't bring my helmet, but I grew some confidence when I saw a lot of little kids coming up from the trail without helmets and their bikes. So, I hopped on my bike and headed down the trail. I had never mountain biked before, so imediately, it felt like a little too much. I took my feet off the pedals and started to walk myself down this first hill.

Right about now is where things go foggy. I'm not sure when I decided to take my feet off the ground and put them on the pedals, but apparently, I did. All I can really remember from this moment, was seeing a cement landing thing ahead of me and then...nothing. I remember the impact of the fall a little bit, but I don't even know how I fell or what happened. The friend I was riding with was ahead of me and looked back when he heard something strange behind him and found me unconsious in a bush. Apparently, the first thing I said was "Sgt. Oz is going to kill you."  That was our recruiter. That was when the concussion set in. I remember hearing voices and wondering what was going on.

I kept saying "I don't remember things. I don't remember things." and  "What day is it? Why aren't I in boot camp? Has J written me a any letters?"

I have now calculated that I didn't remember the last 3 weeks. J had been gone that long and I had gotten a letter 2 weeks before. Basically, I only remembered that Jake was gone. I think that was the scariest part. Not having a clue where you are or what has happened for the past few weeks is a very confusing thing.

I remember looking down at my arm and seeing it all deformed and telling the people around me not to call an ambulance (I was too worried about how much it would cost. My dad had a heart attack a few weeks before and I remember my mom saying how expensive the ambulance ride was even with insurance.) But of course, they had to call an ambulance.

I got the hospital and my by then my family had been called and they knew what was up. Finally, several hours later (I believe it was dark out and the ride was in the morning) I came to and was coherent. I had a neck brace on and my arm hurt REAL bad. My mom explained it all to me and said that I was going to need surgery.

They put in a metal plate at 9 screws to hold all the crazy fractures together. When I got it taken out, they asked me if I wanted to keep it. Althought it brings back bad memories, I wanted to see what was inside there. I had shattered my radial head, (also known as the olecranon.  Learned that one today in my research!)

and fractured a whole section of my raidus on my left arm.

So they sliced me open and put in all that stuff. The picture with the stitches is actually from when they took out all the metal in my arm in January, but it looks pretty close to the same. Except when I hurt it initially it was much more swollen and bruised. It was black and blue and very very painful. I didn't let anyone take pictures when it happened initially, so I don't have any, but just picture really bad and real ugly and you get it... I also had scrapes and bruises on my forehead and hips and knees and hands. It was a bad situation.

 I went through several months of physical therapy and now I have full range of motion and mostly all my strength back.  Physical therapy was not fun. It hurt a lot. The first day I went, I couldn't make a fist or even touch my fingers to my palm. I was in bad shape and when I was finished with it that day, I went home and cried over how helpless I felt. I did a lot of crying throughout those days. But I felt like I still had hope because they were going to take out all the dreadful metal and I would be able to go and be a Marine. Once I started to make progress, I was feeling really hopeful. I started going to DEP PT and pool functions (Stupid activities that the recruiting office makes you do) and I definitely thought that I was going to get my shot at being a Marine.  It seemed like now that I could extend my arm, the whole world stopped sucking all at once.

Well, some time passed. I surprised J as his graduation and we got engaged on Christmas and things didn't seem so bad. J left and then I got my surgery to take the metal out of my arm. The pictures to the left are of my scar today.  It is fading nicely and I barely notice it except for when I bump it really hard or it gets really itchy. But, the Marines don't care. I got discharged in February (or was it March?)  and now I'm really feeling lost.

I didn't have a back-up plan. I didn't need one. And now, I'm stuck in this dead end job working only 28 hours a week and just begging for something exciting to happen to shake up my week. I feel like I have my whole life ahead of me, but what is all that time with out a plan or a purpose?

So this is what I've come up with. 

The things I know:

1. I'm getting married to the love of my life...eventually.
2. I don't really like my job but it pays too well to complain.
3. J is getting deployed  next yearish and I'm going to be extremely without him for 7 months.
4. I'm lost.

The things I don't know:

1. Everything else.