Ugh

Last night and today are the first days since J left for MCT that I have cried over missing him. Of course I miss him. And I've cried over many thing, but these past couple of days have been extra difficult.

I've been trying to plan a trip to go see him, but although I'm an adult and I have my own job and my own bills and responsibilities, I'm not "allowed" to go down to see J by myself. Not only that, I drive a 76 Ford Maverick. Not exactly and ideal travelling car. So I have to rely on someone else to take me down to see him because I'm not old enough to rent a car and I haven't ever driven a long distance by myself.

I was hoping to go down with his sister so that we could do some engagement pictures. I haven't known J very long, so we have about a total of...5 maybe 6 pictures together and most of them are too silly or not all that cute. Basically not appropriate to use for wedding invitations or anything like that. But she can't. So now, we won't have any pictures of us together for a guest book, or to decorate at our wedding or for our invitations...And then when I asked his mom if she could go when I was planning, she couldn't either.

And even if they could go, it wouldn't be the same...I just want to spend time with him by myself and it just isn't a possibility. Being young sucks. So bad. I am feeling being away from him more than every becuase I just can't get help to go and see him...I hate it so much.

But it's what I signed up for. Right?