In The Spirit of Thanksgiving

Initially, I created a vlog post for this, but I just couldn't get it right, so I decided to stick with my strengths and just write like usual.

Every Thanksgiving, I take a little bit of time to show my gratitude for all of the wonderful blessing that I have in my life. Objects, people, opportunity, and so on and so forth.  The following will be more or less a list of things and people. I mention you by name, so if you're just feeling like reading what I have to say about you, the things I am thankful for will be in bold type :) It won't be hard to find yourself!

There are many things in this world that I have to be thankful for. First and foremost, I feel that I should give thanks for my amazing family. 

Family, You have all be so very patient with me. I have had a very rough year and a half or so and every one of you have done nothing but be supportive. I have made a lot of life changing decisions that affect more than just me and it means the world to me that you have been here through thick and thin to help me to succeed in all of my overly ambitious endeavors. 

Responsibility.  I am so thankful for all of the responsibility I have as of late. It is teaching me how to be a grown up. It has taught me that if I'm not looking out for myself, no one else is. Of course, there are people around that will be supportive of me, but they do not hold my fate in their hands. I do. I am so thankful for that. 

Technology and communication. I cannot even begin to describe how thankful I am for modern technology. Without it, I wouldn't have healed as I should have. I wouldn't have been able to keep up a wonderful and emotional long distance relationship. I wouldn't be able to hear my best friend's voice or see his face...It is a great think that I take for granted. I will so appreciate it after I write letters for 3 months...

Bloggy World.  This blog has seriously been such a fantastic blessing in my life. Like I said earlier, I have had a hell of a year and half or so. I have been able to put down everyone of my thoughts here, and I have been met with such support. From strangers, no less. Honestly, having this blog to talk to has enriched my life in ways that I don't even fully understand just yet. 

My Job & The Military. I love my job. I love that I have a job in a place where jobs are so scarce for some. I am so grateful for all the skills I have learned, the friends I have made, and the experience I have gained. 

The military...oh my. Something I never thought I would ever get to be part of, I am going to get to experience. I can't simply describe to you what that means to me and how thankful I am for this chance to live my dream. 

Friends:

in no particular order :)

Will, I don't think you know this, but you have the ability to brighten my day. When you were deployed and I got the chance to talk to you, it made me so happy that I was in a good mood for the rest of the week. Although we have had our ups and downs, I feel like I can always count on you. You will always be honest with me, support me, yell at me, and make up with me when we fight.  I am exponentially thankful for your friendship and I hope that it means half as much to you as it does to me. 

[I feel very sad that I couldn't find a single photo of my bestie and me together]

Christian, I barely know you. Some could argue that I don't know you at all. But it doesn't feel that way. I feel like I've known you all my life. Although when we first started talking, you had zero obligation to me, you let me rant and be annoying. You probably think that I'm totally insane, but having you to talk to had a really positive effect on me that you probably cannot understand.  I hope that one day, we can actually hang out. Talk in person at least! Be real friends, not just the texty kind. 

Kelsey, you and I could be apart for any large amount of time and pick up a conversation like we never stopped talking. I know that I can always lean on you for support and that you will never leave me. I am very thankful for you and for our friendship. I believe it's the lasting kind that won't waver despite distance or time weighing on it. 

J...I can probably just call ya by your name on here now, but you're just...J in my bloggy so that's how you'll stay I guess. I'll keep it brief here, but I am very thankful for you. I am thankful for you and for your family and for all of the awesome adventures that we got to have together. I still think about you every day and it's getting easier to think of you. Instead of being upset, I can just...remember and be okay. I hope that you, too, are thankful for me and for what we had...

Day Family, I don't know how to say how thankful I am for you all. I have never felt so at home in someone else's house as I do in yours. I have learned so much from you all. I built lasting relationships that I know will never disappear completely. I know that if I ever needed anything, I could turn to any one of you and get the help that I need. I love you and I hope that I never have to live without you all as at least a small part of my life. 

And all of my wonderful friends new and old in general! I have some of the most fantastic people in my life...Without you all, I would not be this person that I'm growing into. And oddly enough, I'm actually starting to like that person. It has been a long time since I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. You all have played a large role in that change. I love you guys and I hope that I have a continued friendship with everyone that is currently a part of my life. 

This past year or so has been...difficult. I have faced so many trials and have been forced to deal with many things that I didn't want to. I have been broken in many ways. I have been hurt and damaged. I have made detrimental decisions. I have made smart and great choices. I have left behind a few things and picked up some new ones...I am thankful for this life that I live. It's not perfect. In fact, it's so far from perfect, one might call it a little dysfunctional, but I don't care. I am thankful for it, not regardless or the bad, but including it. Without it, I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be Katie. 

And Katie is just not such a bad person to be...

What are you thankful for?

One Day You'll Wake up...

It's amazing how much things change.

 A year ago, Wednesday, last September 19th, I was laying in my bed, crying my eyes out because I wouldn't get to see the love of my life until who knew when...At that point, I had already written him a letter and was ready to send it off. I was missing him before he had even left the state.

I was looking forward to my chance to go to boot camp. I was excited for everything that was going to come and I could not have been happier

Now, here I am a full year later and I'm more miserable than ever. I'm working in a place where there's plenty of room for advancement.  I look better than ever, I'm running faster than ever, and I'm stronger that I would have ever thought was possible. I am back in the military against all odds, and I have a very bright future ahead.

Why on earth can't I just be grateful for it?!  There are so many good things in my life right now. What is it that makes me think that one person being in it or not makes it or breaks it...? It shouldn't. And, really, it doesn't.  But I'll tell you, today, I feel like this:

The Part Where She Gets Dumped

Hey there blog-world, put on your sympathy hats because this is about to get sad.

J decided yesterday, that he no longer loves me. That he'd rather see other people and that I'm not worth the lonliness that he feels every day.

He officially broke up with me and told me that he doesn't  want me to have his ring and that he doesn't feel anything towards me. I don't know what to do.

I have never felt so broken. I had so much trust in J and so much hope for our future. I knew that we were going to make it. I was not scared that this would happen...But I should have seen it coming.

I should have known that it was all too good to be true, and I wouldn't ever get the "happily ever after..." that I wanted.  It's too fair and it's too right for me to just get what I want. Right?

I am sitting here at work, staring at my computer and typing and trying so so hard to not think about him. I'm trying to erase him from my brain but he is everywhere in everything.

I just keep looking towards the sky and asking for the hurt to go away...It doesn't.

For now, this blog might be a little bit...depressing, but I'm going to keep blogging. I think that it will be threaputic in a sense. Obviously the direction is going to change a bit, but I won't let him take this away from me.

I won't.

My Life, My Love, and the World As I See It

Technically, I'm posting twice in one day, but pretend that it's tomorrow. I have a feeling that work will be too busy for my to post and I have too many chores to allow blogging to distract me. So, I'm doing my bloggin' tonight.  And it's a little long winded. If you want to just get to the point, feel free to skip to the last paragraph.

*Disclaimer* 
The following paragraphs do not reflect any official views of the church. They are simply my interpretation of the way things are. (except for the links. That's legit) 

I did not grow up in a particularly religious household, but I live in a place (Utah) that was founded as the foundation of the LDS church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) so naturally, religious beliefs have been a large part of my life.  Even if I had never attended church, I would still know all about how to be a Mormon.

Although I didn't attend church on a regular basis (I went through a stint in high school where I went every Sunday. I'm not sure why it didn't last...) I learned a whole lot about it. In Utah (and Idaho?) we have a building on school grounds where you can elect to go for one class a day and learn more about the church etc. It's called Seminary.  That is where I learned most of what I know. 

For the most part, Mormons are people that live their lives based on a set of rules and moral values described to them in the King James Version of the bible and The Book of Mormon.  I have learned a whole lot of excellent things from those books and I'm about to tell you about it.  Most of the time, I take them out of context and apply them to myself. Typically, you wouldn't do that and you would learn la lesson as a whole, but if you ask me, if you get something good out of it, does it really matter if it was taken out of context? Nope.

1.  One thing I learned (and I'm relearning right now) is that looking for signs is foolish. The universe isn't going to tell you what to do or how to do it, you will only know what to do because you know what is right inside of yourself.  

2.  It doesn't hurt to get on your knees and pray. Maybe you are just doing it to get words out into the world and ask for help, but it definitely doesn't hurt. 

3. There is no magical key to happiness. Personally happiness is determined by you and only you.

4. Forgive. Holding grudes will typically hurt you more than it will hurt the other person, so what's the point?

5. Faith extends beyond your religion. Not having faith in the things you don't fully understand or know will possibly lead to your demise... (so I just kinda decided that one. And by demise, I don't mean die...I just mean like, an overall unhappiness with stuff?)

And that is what I learned in Sunday School. I think that sometimes, I forget those things I know. I forget who I am and I let the opinions and ideals of others impress upon me too harshly.  I forget that I have a completely different thought process and way of dealing with things than the people around me and that I have a lot knowledge in this brain of mine. I should know better than to let other tell me how I should do things. This is my life, my love, and the world as I see. I need to use the things I know to make it the way that I want it.  Right?

Endurance

I just wrote a very long post about how frustrated I am with my life and that I'm annoyed with the way that things are going for me and that I wish I had more control over the things that happen. And it was actually pretty tastefully written and not so bad, but I did this thing where I high-lighted the enitre things and clicked delete.

If there is anything that I learned from my grandma, it's that life is too short. We can't waste our time and energy on being angry and upset. And the only thing that we can do when life gets tough is...endure.

So this is me, enduring.

Happy Sunday everyone. I wish mine was better than it is.

Working...

It feels like I have written anything in a century, so this might be a little bit word vomitty...deal with it :)

So, first of all, I returned form 29 Palms last night around 10:30. It was my first road trip all by myself, I drove about 1200 mile round trip all by my lonesome. Although I had mega anxiety about it, once I was on the road, I really enjoyed the drive alone. I could listen to whatever I wanted, drive the as fast as I felt comfortable with and I didn't have any pressure do drive some certain way. It was kind of liberating and I felt very adult.

The trip itself was quite wonderful. J and I had a great time together and being truly alone for several days for the first time ever was fantastic. We didn't really do much except for swim and enjoy each other's company. I am so glad that I got to go...I didn't take any pictures, but I'm not much of a let's-snap-a-picture-of-this-moment type of person so...oh well.

In other news, I'm back at work today. Part of me is like "Woo, I needed a day of playing on the computer after driving all day yesterday" the rest of me is like "ugh, I have to go to work..."

Lately, though, things have been pretty interesting around here. Working in a call center can be hard, especially for someone like me who had a hard sitting through class in high school and we had to get up every 90 minutes. It doesn't help that I have almost zero human contatct throughout the day. I speak to a computer and not to a person, so I never really have to have any interactions with anyone.

On the bright side, though, there are a lot of interesting characters here. For example, I may have mentioned this girl before, but she kind of looks a little bit like Emmy Rossum and she must have been told that one too many times, becasue she is clearly obsessed with her. Her wallpaper on her computer is Emmy Rossum, and she looks at pictures of her and reads articles about her all day long...What the heck?! She also pulls her pants up into shorts (we're not allowed to wear shorts in the center) once she's in her seat...goodness it's strange, but to each their own I guess.

Also, they've been sending out emails that say stuff like, "Don't put your feet on the desk." or "Please no clipping your fingernails." or "Don't take things that aren't yours" How old are we people? You should not have to be told these things...

The break room can be pretty funny too. If there is one person at each table, people will stand awkwardly against the counter or wall so they don't have to sit with someone else. And if two people are sitting together and chatting, you think to yourself, "How do they know each other? They must have met in training, or maybe they knew each other before..." It's such a mystery because there really aren't other ways to get to know people...

My job really gives me mixed feelings.

Love Hate Realtionship

There are a lot of things that I love. On the flip side, there are several things that I hate. And sometimes, I both love and hate things.  All of the below photographs are things that I both love and hate.  

I really love to cross stitch. But it makes me horrible sat when I make a mistake and I have to either cut my thread up and waste a bunch, or I have to un-stitch  inorder to save the thread...It drives me crazy and makes my very relaxing hobby stressful.

Even more then having to un-stitch or waste thread, I hate knots. Because the floss is stored on small rectangle bobbins, the thread gets kinked in that shape. It's also three strands of thread, so if you aren't paying careful attention to every single stitch, you get a huge messy knot that you have to untie. And if it isn't fixable, sometimes you have to cut it and yet again waste thread...ugh.

I also love projects. I think it's fun to find something that needs improvement and make it better. But sometimes, I bite off just a little bit more than I can chew. My latest project is called "Operation find the missing socks spread all over my home". This is just the first basket of socks that I found and then folded. Currently, the room I took half a day cleaning has about 50 pairs of socks without buddies spread across it...and I have a whole other basket and then some left. I hate that

If I'm being completely honest, there is nothing that I hate about this little vacuum. I love this thing. I have hard wood floor in my room and it is just a pain to sweep. but this little guy picks up everything. I love it so much that I instagramed it...Yes, I love a mini vacuum cleaner...

I absolutely love cooking and eating my delicious meals...but I hate that I can't just eat a small portion, I have to eat half of the Cream-a-Soup concoctions. It's not helping the whole negative body image issue that I've got going for me...

Don't ask why this picture is upside down...because I'm not really sure why. But these three beauties are my biggest weaknesses. I can't stay away from them and they are making me gain weight...all that extra sugar is no good so I really love and hate them a whole lot.

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Yeah Yeah, I know two posts in one day...but I'm just feeling bloggy today.  I have a lot to say for some reason.

Although J is doing his mountain warfare training this month and won't be back to his barracks until around June 21st, he got the chance to call me. Twice! His phone doesn't have service, but his friend's does. It was nice to hear from him after two weeks of nothing from him at all.  I loved hearing that he'd been thinking about me even though the whole point of this time apart is to not think about each other...ha...that's a laugh.

So far, this time not talking as been good for us. At least it has been good for me. I'm not worried about why he is or isn't talking to me and I can just enjoy myself and stay busy and do as much stuff as I can to have a good time. I don't know why I haven't been doing this all along. It makes everything so much easier.

I've been hiking, playing music, working in my garden, cleaing my house (ugh...not fun) and staying nice and busy and at the end of the day, I'm excited that I have things to tell J other than, "Today sucked, I miss you. Life sucks. I never do anything..." I can tell that it makes him happier to hear that I'm not so down in the dumps.

***

In other news, I've begun car shopping.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to go to the car lot, get a loan and buy whatever I want, so I've really got to shop.

I would like to have this lovely pearl white Subaru Impreza.

But, yeah, that's not going to happen. I've been shopping a little bit on KSL.com (it's like craig's list except it's just local). I need to find what my dad calls an "out-of-town" car that I can pretty much take anywhere, but then I find myself linger on things that really aren't practical.

Such as jeeps. I can't even describe to you how bad I want a jeep that I can take the top off and drive all over the mountains, but they really just aren't cars that you want to take all over the place, just into the mud.

Even more than a jeep, I'd be so very happy with one of these. No, it's not a Bronco! It's an International Scout...I don't know why I want one so bad, but it really doesn't matter, because they, like Jeeps and the car I currently have are not practical...damn practicaltiy...

Most likely, I will end up getting something like a Honda Civic or a Toyota Corolla, something more in my price range and a bit more suitable for my situation. Currently, I'm driving a GMC Jimmy that guzzles gas faster than I can fill the tank...Anything with better fuel economy will do, even though I dream of bigger and better vehicles.  Hopefully I'll be getting something new very soon and all on my own!

Country Music

Currently, I have this obsession with Pandora Internet radio. Along with that, I like to take screen shots of my favorite songs...so in my iPhone camera roll it's mostly screen shots of a million different songs.

I feel a need to do something with them, so here I go :)

Basically, every night before I go to bed, I turn on Pandora, plug in my headphones and cruise Facebook. Or sometimes it's when I'm getting ready for work or for my day or whatever. When something good comes on, I click the home button, rush to Pandora, X out the ad and *BAM* screen shot that. And sometimes I'm dumb like on the Jamey Johnson one and just screen shot the lockscreen...oh well.

Currently, I'm listening to "Eric Church Radio" and these are the lovely songs that I have just loved so much that I had to screenshot them.

Typically, they are songs that I relate to. Ones that when I hear them, I get all weepy and emotional or I get goose bumps or basically just have some kind of response to. So this is what I've got

Jamey Johnson "In Color"

Kenny Chesney "She's Got It All"

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band "Fishin' In The Dark" (I would consider this one mine and J's song...)

Brad Paisley "Mud On the Tires"

Josh Turner "Time Is Love" (This song is new and I loooove it)

Lee Brice "A Woman Like You"

Jason Aldean "Dirt Road Anthem"

Eric Church "Springsteen" (recently, I downloaded this song and I have been listening to it on repeat for the past...like week or so. And I still get excited when it comes on the radio...)

So there you have it. I'm officially crazy for country music...I've always loved it, but this is a whole new kind of obsession for me. (and this isn't even all the screen shots I took...)

My mandolin and me.

I haven't really talked about my music at all yet, so here I go!

I play the mandolin (it has 8 strings and you play it with a pick to play sweet bluegrass music) and I love it! I went through this little...I guess you could call it a slump, where I didn't want to play much. I started when I was 11 and it just kind of got old. I wasn't getting any better and it wasn't quite as fun for me as it once was, but recently, I have decided that I need to play more and I have not regretted it. 

Last weekend, we went up to Ogden (a city about 45 minutes outside of Salt Lake) for a "bluegrass" festival. I say that with quotation marks because it wasn't strictly bluegrass music, but there was some good bands that were the correct genre for the event, and that was cool.

Anyway, my friend talked me into playing in the Utah State Instrument Championships. I was not really feeling it and I was sure that I wouldn't place well. I haven't really been practicing and I have been playing in this contest for a long time and haven't really done all that well.  Well, oddly enough, I played against 7 other musicians and they were true competition and I took 2nd place! I am truly proud of it!

For the first time in a really long time, music is fun for me and I want to play and play all day long and it's awesome. So, here's to getting a kick out of the things that you used to love and have rediscovered!

Put A Smile On

Recently, I have leanred a little lesson.  I read some article that I saw in this post from a Military Spouse a while back and I have decided that now is the time to take it to heart.

To summarize just a little, the article is by a woman named Jessie Knadler.  She is the wife of a Captian in the Army Reserve holding down the fort while her husband is on deployment and she is talking about all of the challenges that come with being the wife of someone in the Millitary.  She spoke of how it is sometimes necessary to just say "Everything is fine" even when it isn't. And how sometimes, it's just not so easy to keep that up. That is a very brief summary. You can read the whole thing in the link I posted before.

Anyway, at the time that I read this, I didn't think much about it. I liked it, but I didn't feel like it related to me. J isn't deployed, I'm not raising a child on my own, and I don't really know of all the challenges that await me. But recently, I have been having quite a lot of trouble with myself. I haven't been happy with the way things are going for me. It's not because I'm unhappy with my relationship. This separation that we are going through is temorary and things will get better, I'm sure of it. The problem I'm experiencing now is more of one that he can't solve.

I'm upset that I got discharged from the Marines. I'm mad at myself for not having a plan B.  I sit here at my desk all day and blog about my problems and I haven't got a clue what to do to fix them. And unfortunately, this frustration with myself has seeped into everything else and caused me to be...perpetually grumpy.  And I suck at hiding it.
So when I'm on the phone with J, he gets grumpy becasue I'm grumpy and he dones't want to talk to me. And everyone in my family thinks that I'm being ridiculous when really, I'm just not happy and I'm tired of pretending...

That being said, I still need to supportive of J. It's important for me to not add to the stresses in his life. He's concerned about keeping up and making mistakes. He's worried about the upcoming deployment and being able to do his job. I don't need to be bothering him with my bad mood. I need to remember that...It's not worth making it even harder for him to be away from me...  So, I guess I will just put a smile on and do my best to be happy...

Bumps In The Road

It seems that lately, I've been hitting a whole bunch of bumps in the road, but my attitude has changed a lot. Instead of looking at the bumps and thinking about how crappy it's going to be to have to drive over, picturing the jostled papers, the tiped over bag and the drink I'm going to have to hold as I go over every bump I've been thinking about how to just avoid them altogether. Take a detour, if you will. Can you tell I like metaphors?

Bump #1:
I've been gaining weight like crazy!
It's truly crazy. I have always been a very naturally thin person. I had to gain weight to get into the Marines for hell's sake...And now, I look in the mirror and for the first time in my lifek, I am so unhappy with what I see. I think it's partly from being away from J. Food is a very comforting thing and with him gone, I want some comfort. I've never been much of an eater, but recently, food is one of the things that I think about most.
The fix?  I've decided that I'm not going to eat less, I'm going to eat different. I love to eat a lot of healthy things, it's just a matter of doing it. And not eating out so much...I eat out way too much. This month, I get to do the family grocery shopping and I'm planning on getting a wonderful variety of things that will be a welcome change for me and for my family. I think it will be a double whammy too. It will give me some experience in shopping (you know how I like to learn about saving money!) So that should be nice. I'm also going to have to start working out a whole lot more...I have been very lazy lately. I did a run and some PT yesterday and now I am dying here in my desk...time to work out!

Bump #2:
My 5 year engagement.
Okay, so maybe it's not...and it won't be...hopefully. But It feels like it. I've been looking at some places to get married and was getting so frustrating because no one was willing to work with the fact that I could possibly have to make changes and move dates if things ended up not working out because of permissions and leave etc. They were simply just...unreasonable. It was getting very discouraging. On top of that J is getting...jittery about the upcoming deployment. Which is completely understandable, but it makes me not want to talk to him about anything dealing with our wedding because it stresses him out. And we don't need him stressed...
The fix?
Yesterday, we went to a reception center called The Woods on Ninth and it is just absolutely beautiful. When I walked in, I felt like I had found the place but was instantly a little sick because I knew it wouldn't work out. It would be too difficult without a date and all these litlte complications.
Well, I was totally wrong. The manager lady got all excited and made me feel so much better and told me that we could figure something out and make something work. That it wouldn't be a problem if I had to change things around and that she would do her best to make everything completely refundable. I'm in love...I feel so much more relaxed about it all knowing that I won't have to worry anymore. Hopefully.

Bump #3:
What the crap am I going to do with my life?!
I don't know...
The fix?
I still don't know....

Return To 29!

Well, I'm back from the desert again. This time the trip was a little bit different. First of all, I actually got some pictures. I'm going to warn you now, I'm taking this lovely little medication that I do believe is making me gain weight. I've gained ten lbs. in about...a month. And I'm lucky enough to carry it right in my belly, so I look nice and 4 months pregnant. I assure you, I'm not.
So, we jumped in the car around 06:00 and I took the first shift of driving (my first "long distance" drive!) and I drove us all the way to Cedar City. A whopping 3 and 1/2 hours from our house...Then I passed the keys on over to big sis and I let her drive the rest of the 6+ hours to our destination. It wasn't a bad drive, we made sure that we were prepared for it. I made us tuna fish and we brought plenty of good stuff to drink and snack on. Last trip, we just at McDonalds and stuff and felt real sick the whole time.


We pulled reached Las Vegas aroun 1:30 (we made really good time with my sister driving) and don't worry, we got a picture of the big tortoise on the freeway for you!  I suck at taking pictures with my phone.  So when I was tasked with taking this photo in the moving vehicle, I was very nervous, but never fear, I got the job done.
The nice thing about reaching Las Vegas, is it means that you're almost there. Once you hit Primm (The little town with the huge outlet mall and Whiskey Petes off I-15) you jump off the freeway and start into the Mojave Desert. That, my friends, is kinda scary if I'm being completely honest. Luckily though, it's the home stretch!



So we finally arrived and got all cleaned up and ready to go when we received the call that it was time to go pick up the Js (same name remember?). So we started our drive to the base and I got all excited when we finally drove through the gates. Even though I had seen him the weekend before the last it still felt like the first time in a century. Because there isn't much to do in 29 Palms and the pool was closed :( we had to think of other adventures. There was a gate ajar in the back of the parking lot, so we ventured through it and climbed a mountain and spotted rabbits and coyotes. Not a big deal.  The thing about the mountains in this god forsaken place, is they don't really look like mountains...I live in Utah in the Salt Lake Valley which means there's gigantic mountains all around me that are green and covered with snow from November to June so hiking up this mountain made me feel like I was on a different planet. But we got some kinda cutish pictures? See? 4+ months pregnant...not cool.

We also ventured into the town of Joshua Tree and went to a Flea Market (we saw a tortoise!) and a thrift store. And you know how I love thrift stores! The cool thing about this one, was it seemed to be in an old bank.  So there was  a vault in the back with clothes in it. It was kinda awesome...
But that pretty much concludes my trip to see my Marine. We had a wonderful time together and I miss him already.  The worst part? I haven't a clue when I'm going to see him again...

29 Stumps

I don't have pictures becasue I suck.

I now understand why they call it 29 Stumps.
After getting off I-15  just after Primm and driving for 2 hours through the desert, we reached 29 Palms. As we began to get closer my sister starts to freak out. She's driving and saying things like, "Katie, you did see pictures of our hotel online, right? I mean this place isn't a crack hotel is it?"  Or there was this one before we were even close to our destination:  "I bet that we're just going to suddenly just go into a new dimension and we'll finally be in this dumb place."

And once we could actually see the "city" she started saying how she is pretty sure that we were in hell. Literally we just crossed dimensions into hell. She was freaking out and saying, "Is there going to be somewhere to eat? What if there's no food?!"
Of course food was her first concern.

Well, we got checked into our room and then headed to base to pick up my boy.  When I saw him, I think I almost fainted. I was so happy. I gave him a big hug and a kiss and I just looked at him for a second completely in love all over again and it was fantastic.

He went to get his stuff and grabbed his friend (The friend was to keep my sister busy while we had time alone ;)) and we headed off base and back to our room.

I wish that I could tell you all about how much fun this trip was, but honestly, there is NOTHING to do in 29 Palms, we swam in the hotel next to ours' pool and hung out in our air conditioned hotel room. We ate some food in the various popular restraunt around the area (Denny's, MickyDs, Mexican restaurant with a name that escapes me, BK), but honestly, I had a great time. When you're apart for so long, you just get used to missing the person you're away from, it's as if you just start to not feel the missing any more because it's a normal feeling. But when I saw him, it all came back at once how much I had missed him.
And lucky me, because my sister actually kinda hit it off withe J's friends (their names are the same actually...it got really confusing!) We're going back!
I get to return to my Marine again next week. And I already got work off and everything! I'm so excited. Even more so this time because I know what to expect and we'll be better prepared for the little amount of time that we get to spend together.

In other news, J told me yesterday that it's looking like their until won't be deploying until after the new year. That makes me very happy. I told him that I like that timeline much better than deploying this year. That means he might be home for Christmas! And we could possibly find time to get married when it's not on pre-depolyment leave : P I do not want to do that. I think it'd be a good idea because it's going to set us up financially for our future becasue until he comes back from deployment I will be living at home and getting his BAH for where I live. But I'll also have my own job and won't have much for living expenses so we can just save all that money and have quite a lot saved when he comes home and it's time for us to think about getting us a place to live and get all settled down, but I don't want to send my brand new husband off to war after being married for a week. Not cool. But, I guess I just need to get used to the reality of our situtation.

On the bright side, if his unit gets disbannded after this deployment, I might NEVER have to live in 29 Stumps!

591 Miles

You see this little map here? Tomorrow morning, I am embarking on this journey!  After all my complaining and being sad about wanting to see J, I get to go and see him!  We are both so excited we can hardly stand it. After four months of waiting and not knowing what even the next week would mean for us, we finally get to stand face to face. I have not been a very good blogger for the past few days due to the fact that I've been so busy trying to get shift trades at work, and that's where I typically do all my blogging. So for that I apologize, but I just thought I would share with you my exciting news. 

When I return, I will provide a long picture-filled post about how much fun we had together. I promise. The only down-side of this whole situation, is the fact that we basically only get to have one full day together. It's definitely not enough time, but certainly one full day together is far better than no days together at all. 

Hopefully we will have a safe trip and a good time!  

Ugh

Last night and today are the first days since J left for MCT that I have cried over missing him. Of course I miss him. And I've cried over many thing, but these past couple of days have been extra difficult.

I've been trying to plan a trip to go see him, but although I'm an adult and I have my own job and my own bills and responsibilities, I'm not "allowed" to go down to see J by myself. Not only that, I drive a 76 Ford Maverick. Not exactly and ideal travelling car. So I have to rely on someone else to take me down to see him because I'm not old enough to rent a car and I haven't ever driven a long distance by myself.

I was hoping to go down with his sister so that we could do some engagement pictures. I haven't known J very long, so we have about a total of...5 maybe 6 pictures together and most of them are too silly or not all that cute. Basically not appropriate to use for wedding invitations or anything like that. But she can't. So now, we won't have any pictures of us together for a guest book, or to decorate at our wedding or for our invitations...And then when I asked his mom if she could go when I was planning, she couldn't either.

And even if they could go, it wouldn't be the same...I just want to spend time with him by myself and it just isn't a possibility. Being young sucks. So bad. I am feeling being away from him more than every becuase I just can't get help to go and see him...I hate it so much.

But it's what I signed up for. Right?

The Trouble With Boys

Right now, I'm in a tough spot.

I really need to try and set a wedding date. Neither of us want to wait until after this year to get married, but for some reason, I can't get J to say a single thing about when he wants to get married. Before, when we didn't even know where he would be stationed, he had all kinds of input, and now, I feel like I'm badgering him if I ask any questions about when he wants to get married. I know that he cares and he wants to talk about it, but it's as if I never catch him at the right time...When he's thinking about it, he doesn't tell me what's going on. It's so frustrating.

The other issue here is not just him, but becasuse I'm marrying the Marine Corps, I have to deal with the possibility that he can't set a date. I want to just try. Maybe send out a save the month even...I just don't want to cut it too close to where our guests are annoyed that they didn't have enough notice. Espeically our out of town guests. And I'm sure that we will have a few of those. It's so troubling.

On top of all this, there's the distance. Being away from him is so hard. I think I said this another time but we have been apart now for around 100 days. And we have been together for less than half of our relationship and it's starting to take a toll on me.  It's not that I don't trust him, becuase I do. I 100% know that he loves me and would never cheat on me. But it's hard to not be able to talk through the rough spots in person...It's makes all those normal fights that coupls have about 10 times harder than they have to be.

I know that this is only the beginning, and it's what I signed up for, but goodenss gracious, why does it have to suck so bad?

Our Love Story

[EDIT: After reading this post myself, I realized that I said way too much stuff to tell a relatively short story. Here is the new and improved version of our love story!]

I think this will work best if I start from the very beginning.

On June 8, 2011 I swore into the Marines after a very long day at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station). It's a long process to get through medical and do all the paper work. By the end of the day, I was a proud Poolee of the United States Marine corps.

Shortly after my enlistment, my recruiter asked me to be a squadleader. In the DEP (Delayed Entry Program) it doesn't mean much to be responsible for other Poolees, but you're still expected to do certain things. In this case, I offered to pick someone up to go to PT.

Lucky me, that I had this responsibility, because if I hadn't, I never would have meant J.  On July 1, 2011, I pulled up in front of his house (I was way early...I was worried I wouldn't be able to find it...I had to kill time for over 30 minutes before I could actually call him to say I was there.) He got in my car and I said hello and introduced myself. I took a mental note of how handsome he was and pulled away from the curb.

After that day at PT, we texted a little bit and got to know each other. Not very well though.  A few days passed and it was the 4th of July. I was left high and dry without a date to go watch fireworks with. My friend had invited me to go with she and her boyfriend, but I wasn't about to be a third wheel. So after asking another friend from the DEP and getting turned down, I asked J. I was completely shocked when he accepted.

We drove up to this awesome look out point in downtown Salt Lake and watched fireworks all over the valley and talked about everything in the world.  When I was driving him home around 2am, I found myself thinking that wanted to just find more stuff to do. I didn't want the night to end...

After that night, we went out every night for the rest of the month. And the month after that. I went to Oregon and Seattle with his family. He came with me to bluegrass festivals and we spent the whole summer falling in love and having more fun that I ever knew was possible.

When it came time for him to go to boot camp, on September 19, 2011 my heart was broken but I knew that that day had to come eventually, we spent that whole Sunday enjoying each other's company before he had to leave me for 13 weeks so as to become a United States Marine.  That night I began furiously writing letters and getting in as much stuff as I could before my boot camp date (October 17, 2011) arrived.

Then, something very tragic happened that put a big twist on everything. On October 16th, the day that I was to go to the hotel to ship out the next morning I decided to go for a bike ride with a friend. He failed to mention that we were going mountian biking and I didn't even bring my helmet...Against my own better judgement, I went for it anyway and ended up getting injured very badly. I shattered and dislocated my elbow as well as fracturing a whole section of my radius. I also had a concusion that made me very confused. I didn't know where I was, how I got there, what had happened or what day it was and more. When I got the hospital, I was given morphine and a million other shots and they fixed me up and splinted me up and I had a BAD headache. I was a trauma 2. You can read the whole story here.

With J in boot camp, I didn't want to

tell him what had happened to me. His parents visited me in the hospital and I told them not to tell him what had happened. They tell you when someone you love goes to boot camp that you shouldn't bother them with things that they can't do anything about. So I chose to tell him that my boot camp date was moved back 3 months so that I could continue to write and receive letters up until he graduated. I told him my boot camp date was December 12th. He graduated on December 16th.

I'm Mean.

So I wrote him for the rest of boot camp and I showed up at his graduation with his family and I surprised him. He was so happy to see me. It was so worth the wait. 13 weeks apart in a brand new relationship was extremely hard, but when we met again, it was more amazing than ever before. It's true what they say; distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Seeing him march across that parade deck and try really hard to keep his bearing and not cry when he hugged me was possibly the best feeling in the world. I was so proud of my Marine and so beyond excited for my chance. (At that point, I didn't know I was going to get disqualified) He was a little bit upset that I had lied to him, but he got over it in a hurry because he was so happy to see me. All day he kept hunging me saying, "I can't believe you're actually here!"

Our first few days together were tough. I had to share him with his family and we barely got two seconds alone, but nevertheless, I was just so happy to be able to look at his face that I could really care less at the time.

On Christmas day, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes. And herewe are. Waiting on the Marine Corps to tell us what to do and how to do it.

He is currently stationed with his unit and we are just waiting for the stars to align and the time to be right for us to be together forever and live happily ever after...

The Beginning

This blog is one unlike any that I have ever written.  Instead of being about the every day thoughts that tumble around in my brain, it's about my life. More specifically, my life that is yet to come. 
I am currently engaged to a United States Marine. I'm aware that you  think this is a blog you've read many times before about a girl who loves her Marine with all her heart and will support him and follow him anywhere he happens to go. And you would be right.
But we've also got a little twist to our story.

What's this twist you ask? Well I was supposed to be a Marine too.
We met in the Delayed Entry Program, or the DEP as it's most commonly referred to as.  Both of us were enlisted and had boot camp dates several months away. His was in September and mine was in October. We met on July 1, 2011. It was a hot day and we were heading to Physical Training (PT) together.  I had offered to pick him up because he didn't have a ride.  I had remember seeing him around and I didn't mind driving about 15 minutes in the wrong direction to go pick him up.  I even left about an hour early just in case I couldn't find his house or something...Kind of embarrassing.

Anyway, we didn't hit it off right away. We were just two kids right of high school talking about things that kids talk about. Music, the Marine Corps, tattoos, working out. Nothing too intense. But being the very social person that I am after that day, I texted him a little and we started talking and somehow, a few nights later it was the 4th of July and I was about to be a 3rd wheel to a good friend and her boyfriend. In a desperate attempt to avoid 3rd wheel syndrome, I texted him and told him what was up and amazingly enough he agreed to go with him to watch some fireworks with my friends.

After that night, we went out the next night. Then the next night, And the one after that, and the one after that...Basically, we just really seemed to get along and eventually decided that even though we were both heading off to boot camp in the fall, it was worth trying to be in a relationship. We made this decision 12 days after officially meeting eachother on the first of July...

Kinda quick. But here we are almost 9 months later, engaged and happy as can be.

There have been a few bumps in the road already for sure.

I broke my arm the day before my boot camp date and have now been "Permanently Disqualified" from the Marine Corps.
And I surprised J by showing up at his boot camp graduation in December.
He popped the question on Christmas night. And here we are. Planning to get married....10 years from now.
Okay, so not really, but that is certainly how it feels. If you thought that being married to someone in the Marines was difficult. Trying being engaged to one...forever.

This blog will follow us into matrimony and beyond...That is if we ever get to the matrimony part.