Life is tough...

Right now, J and I are going through what you might call...a rough patch. On Monday, he broke up with me.

I say, "he broke up with me" and not "we broke up" because I had zero input and wasn't able to get a word in edgewise.  He simply explained to me that he couldn't handle a relationship anymore. He said that he was too stressed out for all of "this". I don't think going into detail is necessary, but for right now, we're not engaged. We're not even together at all.

Since Monday, though, a lot of things have changed.  He asked for his ring back so I took that along with several other things I had of his to his house the next day and I cried on his mom's couch for a few hours. We talked about what we thought was going through his head, what I could do to help him realize what he did was wrong (not the breaking up with me part. If he doesn't want to be with me, it's not like I can force him, but he didn't do it right...not that, to me, there is any right way, but you get the gist...),  and how I could help him relieve his stress, and how no one thinks that our break up is for good.

On Monday, if you had asked me if I thought we might be able to work something out, I would have said "No way, Jose." I felt like his mind was made up. I spent the entire evening literally screaming at the top of my lungs and crying my eyes it basically felt like the end of the world. On Tuesday though, everything changed.

I got home from his mom's house and I decided I needed to keep myself busy. It was my day off so I didn't have to work. I cleaned my room and did some laundry and some dishes and tried not to throw away things that reminded me of J. I did a pretty good job. I made plans to have dinner with his sister and tried really hard to not...feel like shit I guess is the only way to put this.

As I was cleaning, he gave me a call and he was clearly upset.  He had just gotten off the phone with his mom and was starting to feel like he had made a big mistake (I'm all like...DUH!).  I told him that he had to calm down and go to work. The fact that he had about seven minutes left of his lunch and had to go soon made me very hesitant to start anything. So I told him a few things that I knew would make him feel better and explained that I was going to be okay and we hung up the phone. I much better.

Later, when I was driving home from his sister's house we had a nice long talk about nothing specific and decided that when he got back from his month long training, we would reevaluate our situation and talk through things together and decide what we wanted to do...

So here I sit, waiting out these 23 days and praying that he still wants to be with me...
I mean come on, look how cute we are together.

I'm Katie. I'm a 20-something Soldier & student taking each day one step at a time. Living through all the growing pains that come with becoming that person that I always wanted to be & finding that bright side in all of this Camo-Colored Chaos. You can get to know more about me here.

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