It's offical, J is now a Fleet Marine. He is no longer "Student Status".
I am so proud of him. Having followed him through this whole process and aspired to do the same things that he is now doing, I feel like I can...appreciate it. I am also insanely jealous. I can't even describe what I would give to be able to be a Marine. I wouldn't give J up for it. And my family. But that's about it.
You know, when I got discharged, it was a pretty big deal to me. I was sitting in the interview room with my recruiter and he looked and me and said, "I'm sorry but you've been permanently disqualified..." I tried my very best to put on a my "big-girl" face and not get upset about it. In fact, I almost expected to feel a little relieved.
A little background might be helpful...
After J proposed, we kinda decided we might want to rearrange my plans a little bit and I considered asking to get discharged. I eventually decided not to but I got my date moved from March 5, 2012 to May 21, 2012. That's this coming Monday...So I figured, hey, if I get discharged because of getting hurt, it's no big deal because I thought I wanted to get discharged anyway. Right?
No. after 15 seconds after he told me it had sunken in and I started to cry. I felt like the biggest baby ever and my recruiter got this very scared look on his face. Poor guy...He had to deal with a crying 18 year old girl. No fun.
I texted J and and I asked him to call me when he got the chance. I got lucky and he called me about 2 minutes after I sent that text. My recruiter walked out of the room and I just lost it. I was crying so hard I couldn't speak. J was sitting there on the other end waiting for me to tell him that someone died. Well, I finally caught my breath and I told him what had happened. I'm not really sure how he felt about it when I told him, but I felt like he was happy. I can't blame him. Not having to deal with two military schedules was going to be so much easier for our relationship (Even though right now, I feel like it doesn't get harder than this...unfortunately, I know that it does.) I know that somewhere in there he was happy and felt like it was for the best...And maybe it is, but maybe it isn't...
When I got home and spread the word of what happened, I was a mess. I was crying and worried about my life and I felt (and still feel) so very lost. Everyone basically made me feel like I wasn't allowed to feel that way. They (they being my family and J) kept telling me that I'm still young and have my entire life before my eyes and I shouldn't feel like I this. Well, I've got some news for them and for anyone else who has something to say about it.
I don't care how I should feel. And it doesn't matter one bit to me that I could, supposedly, have my pick of careers. I didn't/don't care that I might find something better. I'm just hurting. I'm hurting that my dream was taken from me. And I'm hurting because I've been too far from the love of my life for too long.
You might know better than I do, but I have to figure this out for myself...I need to grieve this great loss and find something better for myself and I don't need other people telling me what I should feel like and what it's supposed to be and what I could do...Those things don't matter all that matters is how it is.
I guess that until I figure that all out I'll just be...trampling the pansies.
What I Learned At Work Today [Week 2]
so this was supposed to happen on Wednesday, but I got a little carried away pinning things for my wedding...Oops. So this got a little waylaid. But never fear, I shall tell you what I learned at work today!
So, on Monday, I had to go pick up a perscription after work. I had to hurry to the pharmacy before my doctor's office closed. I made it in the nick of time and put in my perscription and had to wait for over an hour to get it filled so I went home to do some chores and figured I'd go pick it up later. Well, the phramacy called and the perscription was ready. Awesome.
So I jumped in the car, turned the key, and my car would not start! Now, my car is pretty old. I've said before that I drive a 76 Ford Maverick. But up until Monday (my BIRTHDAY!) I have never had a problem. My cute little Franc has always been pretty reliable. Unfortunately, my dad can't figure out what's wrong. That meant that I got to drive the van to work today. The van isn't a bad vehicle, but when your dad has been driving it for the past year and the steering wheel has this awesome grimey man-film on it and the seat belt got my white dress all dirty...So the first thing I learned today (okay so it was yesterday now...), was....
That I was crazy when I decided I wanted that car in the first place! Don't get me wrong. I loooved that old guy since the day I got him. But I really should have considered the fact that I was going to have to sell him off later to get something else...Now I'm stuck dropping off my dad every day and driving the dumb old van. : P at least I have something to drive though, right?
Hmmm....well it's still early, (my shift doesn't even start for another 30 minutes...I'm always really early) so I might need to cruise pinterest and yahoo for a minute to learn some more things to share with you today.
Later on...
Wow. Pinterest has a lot of things dealing with fitness and motivation to get fit and quick little "Get a bikini body after working out for 20 mins every day" dealies. And I most definitely learned that I need to go to the gym...You know that if you are reading the 10 exercise work out that takes 20 minutes and you feel kinda tired just thinking about it, you have been away from the gym far too long...
Also, I discovered Sandwich Art (what the hell?) Sure, It was cool when my mom used the flower cookie cutter to make my PB&J more interesting but really? These things are like...crazy intricate and it looks VERY time consuming. You can see it here on one of my pinterest boards. Holy moly moms are getting creative these days. If I ever start making cartoon characters out of sandwiches, stop me before it's too late...
Well, I have another post to write before this day is over. So. Until next week!
So, on Monday, I had to go pick up a perscription after work. I had to hurry to the pharmacy before my doctor's office closed. I made it in the nick of time and put in my perscription and had to wait for over an hour to get it filled so I went home to do some chores and figured I'd go pick it up later. Well, the phramacy called and the perscription was ready. Awesome.
So I jumped in the car, turned the key, and my car would not start! Now, my car is pretty old. I've said before that I drive a 76 Ford Maverick. But up until Monday (my BIRTHDAY!) I have never had a problem. My cute little Franc has always been pretty reliable. Unfortunately, my dad can't figure out what's wrong. That meant that I got to drive the van to work today. The van isn't a bad vehicle, but when your dad has been driving it for the past year and the steering wheel has this awesome grimey man-film on it and the seat belt got my white dress all dirty...So the first thing I learned today (okay so it was yesterday now...), was....
That I was crazy when I decided I wanted that car in the first place! Don't get me wrong. I loooved that old guy since the day I got him. But I really should have considered the fact that I was going to have to sell him off later to get something else...Now I'm stuck dropping off my dad every day and driving the dumb old van. : P at least I have something to drive though, right?
Hmmm....well it's still early, (my shift doesn't even start for another 30 minutes...I'm always really early) so I might need to cruise pinterest and yahoo for a minute to learn some more things to share with you today.
Later on...
Wow. Pinterest has a lot of things dealing with fitness and motivation to get fit and quick little "Get a bikini body after working out for 20 mins every day" dealies. And I most definitely learned that I need to go to the gym...You know that if you are reading the 10 exercise work out that takes 20 minutes and you feel kinda tired just thinking about it, you have been away from the gym far too long...
Also, I discovered Sandwich Art (what the hell?) Sure, It was cool when my mom used the flower cookie cutter to make my PB&J more interesting but really? These things are like...crazy intricate and it looks VERY time consuming. You can see it here on one of my pinterest boards. Holy moly moms are getting creative these days. If I ever start making cartoon characters out of sandwiches, stop me before it's too late...
Well, I have another post to write before this day is over. So. Until next week!
