Road to Recovery

Today has been...horrible.

I have tried so hard to just keep my chin up and just be okay. But I'm not. I feel like there is just a cloud hanging over me. I spent a lot of my morning laying in "bed" (I'm sleeping on my little sister's floor because I all of sudden decided I had to paint my room) and hating my life.

I cried, and I screamed and I texted J way too much and I did exactly what I told myself not to and what I wouldn't. I begged. To this moment in time, we haven't even talked about this for one minute on the phone. It has all been through texts. How freakin' stupid is that?

I begged and begged and I told him that I would get in my car and be there in the morning. That I wasn't ready to give up and I didn't want to lose him. Of course I was shot down and just continued to hurt and cry and scream and hate. He explained to me that he had "moved on" and truly had no feelings for me anymore...

I'm sorry for saying this, but does that actually happen? Do you wake up one day and say "Welp, I think I'm gonna stop loving my Katie Girl today...I'm sick of her."  ugh...I didn't want this post to be a vent, but now that's exactly what I have made it.

On the bright side (I use bright very lightly unfortunately, let's say a little bit lighter than dim-side) I'm finally getting started on my blog design! I'm not as excited as I was before all of this happened, but I still want my blog to look great even though it is about to morph into something completely different than I had planned.

I also had a personal training session today. My trainer is a cute 23 year old that is always so sweet and makes me feel so good about myself (Even though he makes it so that I can't walk the next day...) so I was actually glad to go and get out of the house. He said a bunch of swear words and listened to me rant about how upset I was and that was good. Personal training may as well be therapy and he's helping me get ready for Basic.

I guess until I get things all figured out and pick myself up of of the floor...(ha, I'm literally sitting on the floor right now...) I'm just going to be as lost as ever. I don't know what to do, but I sincerely appreciate all the kind comments that I got on my last post. I really needed to hear all of the things that everyone had to say. I hope that you're all right. I hope that it gets better...because right now, it kinda feels like the end of the world...I guess that I have just started my road to recovery. I hope that it isn't as bumpy of a road as I'm anticipating...


I'm Katie. I'm a 20-something Soldier & student taking each day one step at a time. Living through all the growing pains that come with becoming that person that I always wanted to be & finding that bright side in all of this Camo-Colored Chaos. You can get to know more about me here.

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1 comment:

Holly said...

When I was in these situations in the past, people would always tell me to use reverse psychology. Most of the time I didn't try it because I wasn't strong enough. When I finally was strong enough, lo and behold, IT WORKED!!! So I know this is hard, but the most important thing you can do right now is NOT contact him. You have to pretend like you don't care at all. It is so crucial that you act like this does not bother you at all. THAT is what opens peoples eyes. I promise. Act like you are totally okay with this and that you are optimistic for YOUR future. I know that is so much easier said than done, but if you can you should try it. It will help you, and it will probably slap him in the face, so to speak. Regardless of whether you can do this or not, and regardless of the outcome, I just want to say that it WILL get better!

 
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