TGIF

Well, sadly, I think it's safe to say that I didn't get the promotion. I knew I would be sad about it, but I found out from an email that was congratulating someone else on my team for getting the job...That's not cool. They should have notified everyone who didn't get it before they told those who did. I think I would be a little less annoyed if I hadn't found out like that.

On a little bit brighter side, though, we did what's called a PFA (Physical Fitness Assesment) at PT yesterday. For the Army, you have to pass this assesment before you can leave for boot camp. It's one mile, one minute of push-ups and one mintue of sit-ups. Personally, I think that it's a little bit ridiculous that that's all that is required. It should be a little bit harder. But I'm coming from a completely different background where even the best isn't good enough...

Anyway, my point was, I basically knocked it out of the park, as far as I'm concerned. I can't even imagine where I would be if I had had 2 minutes to do everything.

I did 21 push-ups (I could have done more, but the guy doing the time confused me so I thought I was done before I actually was. I did 39 sit-ups (definitely could have done better!) and I ran 1 mile in 9:04. That I am pretty proud of. I'm really not the fastest running in the world. I really have to push myself to go faster. So that wasn't so bad. 

Here's my score sheet. I'm cool.

I think that next week, I'm going to force myself to run a full... PFT(physical fitness test) I don't know what the Army calls it. I should probably find out...

Oh well. TGIF right? Hope your Friday is a little bit better than mine.

A Penny For Your Thoughts

Today, I want to talk about...Perseverance. 

per·se·ver·ance

  [pur-suh-veer-uhns] 

noun

1.

steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state,etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

Perseverance is something that I have always had. I have been so broken that I can barely fall to my knees to pray, but I have gotten through every hard time that this damn cruel world has thrown at me. 

I won't say that I've had the hardest row to hoe in the entire world. I haven't. I know people that have it way worse than I do. But it's not a competition. Who cares who has it worse? What matters is how you handle it. Right? I think so. 

When faced with a challenge, you have to options.

Option #1:  Allow the challenge to define you. You let it win and continue to get in the way of the things that you want. 

Option #2:  Refuse to go down without a fight. It doesn't matter the obstacle, anything can be overcome with perseverance. 

I have been faced with more challenges in my short life so far than I even like to think about.  I don't wish the things that I have had to deal with on any person.  It isn't fun. I hate feeling like the entire world is against me and it just isn't ever going to get any better.  I have felt like option one was the only choice I had. It wasn't. I got through it...Perseverance is the only option. No challenge is stronger than you are. No obstacle will get in the way of the things that you want. You have to push through. You haven't any choice but to survive. To endure. To persevere. 

Currently, I'm struggling with this. I'm feeling defeated and troubled. I feel like every choice I have made up until this point was the wrong one. I feel like I screwed everything up with J I feel like I made the wrong choice joining the Army. I feel like I made the wrong choice putting my life into the hands of another. I feel stupid for thinking that I was different. 

But those feelings...They'll fade. And things will get better. The only choice I have is to kick down the doors of these rooms filled with this hate and discontent...And beat it. Defeat it. And be better for it...

No more planning...

You know, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times, life happens when you're making plans.

I'm going to make it a goal for the next little while to not make plans. To let things happen as they are meant to happen.  Sure, I want to be able to plan for some things, but not crazy life altering things that may or may not happen.

I can plan on destroying the Army PFT and get promoted.

I can plan to work on getting promoted in my civilian job. 

I can  plan what I'm going to have for lunch.

But let me tell you, I am not going to plan further than a few weeks into my future, because we all know how that ends up for me...So. Here's to not making plans.

P.S. I interviewed and did a presenation for a promotion yesterday. I'll let you know if I get it!

[source]

Wonderful World of Working

When I was in high school, I was dreaming up all the possibilities my future held.  Your teachers and your counselors put so much pressure on everyone that the time to decided your fate is high school English class. They hand out your credit trackers, give you a list of scholarships to apply for and say, "Welp, girls and boys, this is your future. Figure it out."

While sitting there in my 7th period English class, I decided that I was going to go to Utah State University, study education or literature, something like that. Be a teacher in a middle school and make a difference.  My how things have changed...

When I graduated way back in 2011 (Okay, so it wasn't that long ago, but it feels like it's been forever...) I never ever would have guess that I would be sitting in a desk at a call center blogging while watching hulu, awaiting a my boot camp date to roll around.

This job (in case you're new around here, I'm a relay operater for the hard of hearing.  I just got promoted to a Mentor in the training department.) is the first job that I have ever had.  While I was in school, I was too busy dancing and taking AP classes...I didn't have time to work. I got this job about a month after I broke my arm. I had rehabilitated just enough to type after several painful weeks of physical therapy and I needed something to keep my mind off missing J.

I didn't expect to be here long enough to move up. I planned to move on to bigger and better things that did not include this call center. But now, here I am two jobs deep (This one and the whole Army career thing I've got coming) and doing a whole lot of things that I just never expected to be doing...Today I was invited to interview for yet another promotion!

I have to prepare a 10 minute presentation about hard-of-hearing. I don't know who I'm presenting to, but I'm pretty dang nervous...The best part? I'm doing it tomorrow. I get one day's notice! Ha, awesome right...Well, guess I get to go shopping for yet another new outfit to interview and present it... Why do I have to be such a ray of sunshine that everyone wants to be the future of their company?!

I could say a whole lot more about the crazy twists and turns of this camo-colored chaos, but I've probably already lost you. Well, wish me luck!

Sunday Social!

Welcom to my blog! If you're stopping by from Sunday Social, I hope you enjoy what you have to read. It's been a little depressing around here lately so I thought that I'd do a little link up to spruce it up around here!

1. What is the first website you log on to each day?

Well, seems how I do most of my computer stuff at work, I can't get onto any social networking sites. So I got to blogger-->Gmail-->Pinterest (luckily doesn't count as social networking!)

2. Give us some funny websites you visit that we need to know about

Dear Blank, Please Blank Freaking hilarious, I'm getting distracted from this post now becasue I'm scrolling through it now...

That's probably the only one that I visit that's funny...

3. Pinterest or Facebook? Why?

 Tough question. Pre-break-up Pinterest was a my go-to site. But post-break-up it's a little bit depressing to see all the cutesy crap. So for today, I'm gonna go with FB.

4. Twitter or Instagram? Why?

 Instagram! I love take pictures of random stuff like the shoes I just bought or the food I have for lunch..I don't know, but I like to update the world in photographs.

5. Favorite youtube video:

I don't really watch a ton of videos on Youtube, but if I'm gonna watch one, it'll probably the the extremely inappropriate Jenna Marbles talking about random stuff like People that piss her off at the gym. She' pretty hillarious... (Don't watch this is you get offended by rude language!)

6. Biggest online petpeeve:

People posting their political opinions on a social networking site for the world to see and then getting offended when people don't agree with what they have to say...Oh man. That's the worst!

A Bear of Small Brain

I now deem every Thursday  "thoughtful thursday" You can count on a reflective post like this one each thursday. Let me know If you'd like to join me in reflection!

I have an obsession with Winnie The Pooh.

I haven't always had this obsession but over the past few months, I have really learned to love the words of A.A. Milne.  Everything he has to say is so clever and sweet. Right now, it's hard to handle because most of the stuff makes me thing of J...But that's not really the point of today's post.

Winnie The Pooh is the point.

Pooh Bear is not smart.

In fact, the only thing Pooh really thinks about is honey and his best friends. 

When he thinks of other things he gets confused.

Christopher Robin says things to him like "Silly ol' bear..." Because that what he is.

You're probably very confused and you're like, why is she talking about a children's book...?

Pooh Bear, or I guess A.A. Milne, has so many wise things to say about life. I think as a little kid I didn't get why it was so funny or clever, or relatable. I was just seeing a cute little bear who loves honey and always gets into some type of mischief.

But now that I have learned a little bit more about life I see the things he says a little bit differently.  For a while now, I've been comparing my relationship to those in the stories.
My favorite thing about the adventures of Pooh Bear is the constantly present theme of friendship and love for another person (or piggy, rabbit, kangaroo, owl, or a Tigger).
And I've decided that until I find someone (else) that is the Piglet to Pooh Bear I will just have to keep looking.  I want a friendship as strong and everlasting as theirs.  I sure hope that there is someone (else) out there that makes me feel that way

Do you have a favorite childhood story?  Do you ever look back on it and take the lessons that it taught you and apply them to your life? Maybe you should give it a try. It was worth it for me. 

Here are some of my favorite lines:

“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”

“I used to believe in forever, but forever is too good to be true.”

“"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."”

“I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.”

You can find more A.A. Milne Winnie the Pooh quotes here

Hurt...

I had a post written planned for today, but instead, I'm feeling the need to just talk...I've got so much going on inside of my head right now that I can't sort it out. I told myself I wouldn't write about this anymore...but I need to.

It's so frustrating.

Right now, I'm having the hardest time just being grateful for the things that I have. I feel more unhappy now that I ever could have imagined and I have more good things going for me now than ever before...I'm trying not to let this heart ache take over my life (and my blog...) but the grief is just swallowing me up and I'm so afraid of what tomorow brings that I can barely make it through the day.

Yesterday, my family played a gig. If you have been with me for a while, you know that I have a family band that plays bluegrass music. I have been hating playing music lately because it was something that I had shared with J more than I had ever shared with anyone. He wanted to learn and be a part of it. It meant so much to me and right now, I hate that it hurts so bad to do something that I used to love so much because I don't have J to share it with...

That's not the only thing either. Although I'm excited about the Army, I feel like the decision to join when I did really hurt my relationship. Yesterday when I checked into my unit, I wanted to be so happy. I got my ID and I took a picture and I tried to send it to J and I remember that I couldn't...That even if I had, he wouldn't respond and probably wouldn't care.

You can say it over and over again. I know that it isn't right to feel this way. I should not feel like my accomplishments mean nothing just because I can't share it. I should know that it means something. I should know that I worked hard for the things that I have and that I am important. That I matter, but right now, it certainly doesn't feel like I matter...I feel like...an ant. I feel so small and worthless.

All my life, I have been a confident, indepentant girl. I have never needed someone to lean on and I never wanted anyone to lean on. I had decided what my plan was for life and I figured that I would stick to it. But On July 4th, 2011, everything changed. a few days after that, I was standing in my kitchen making myself some breakfast, and I turned to my mom and I said "Mom, I'm going to marry him."

She looked at me completely shocked. She would have expected it from my older sister. She said that about every guy she dated. But not me. I had a plan. I didn't even want to get married and I wasn't planning on any kids either.  I had never been much of a guy-magnet and I really didn't see anything getting in the way of that plan.

When I said that, I meant it. I thought that I could trust him with my heart and that he was worth ditching the plan. I found that I liked having someone to lean on and I wanted to be able to share everything. You start to depend on them for things because you can and it feels good to operate as a unit instead of two seperate people...

I loved feeling like I was a part of something big. Like we were two halves of a whole...It felt...right. and Now I just feel stupid. I wouldn't take a single day with him back. Not for one minute...but I wish the memories would get out of my head and stop hurting me so badly.

Shooting In the West Desert

On Saturday, I went shooting in the west desert with my daddy, my sister Meg, and my sister's ex boyfriend D. At first I was a little reluctant to do, but I opted to anyway. And I'm really glad that I did. We had a great time. I shot a .22 and my moms 38.

I shoulda flipped the gun so it was pointing upwards and not downwards, but whatever...still a good picture...I didn't actually shoot that gun, but I should have...Oh well.

I should have done that walk for my old daddy but hey, exercise doesn't hurt... besides Meg (that's my lil' sister) was havinga  low blood sugar. I didn't want to leave her.

Un fortuantely, there weren't any snack in the car and were a little too far to walk to some place to squash the low. So she had to eat ketchup to bring up her blood sugar...Luckily we found one fruit snack in the van so she only had to eat two packets...

Now, don't get me wrong, shooting the 22 is fun enough. It doesn't kick, I'm a fairly okay shot and let's be honest, guns are fun. But shooting this baby was far more enjoyable for me.

I don't know what it was about shooting this thing, but it was a rush...and I want one.

We even got Meg to try it! She's a pretty good shot too.

Overally, not a bad day with my family :)

Failed Carpentry

Due to the fact that I've been singing the blues like crazy lately, I've decided to write about two interesting adventures that I had yesterday.

As you know, if you're all caught up, I'm re-doing my bedroom. I just finished painting yesterday and I began the long process of putting it all back together.

In order to put it back together, I decided that I had to assemle the shelf that I bought. It's a crucial part of the stoarge space in my room. So I got to work.

I bought it on sale at Target. The kid's one was cheaper, so that's the one I bought.

When I pulled all the pieces out, it looked fairly easy. All the holes were drilled, you just had to screw it all together. Simple right? Not for me!

First Attempt: Acciddently screwed the bottom and side to the shelves with the raw edges the wrong way...I had to unscrew it all...Luckily, the inner shelves are held together by little dowels so I didn't have to take the whole thing apart, just where I'd already screwed it in (4 freakin' screws...)

So then, I get it set up right with all the finished edges facing the right way, and my dad came home. We had planned to go shooting when he got home from work so I took a little break from the frustrating shelf-building.

When I got home, back to work it was.

I got another set of the dividers on the shelf and go to put on another piece...the it was the bottom piece. I'd put a center shelf on the bottom...I had to redo it again after getting to this point.

Finally, I got it all put together, I put the little cardboard backs on it and ended up with this finished product (This morning...I gave up last night.

The drawers look blue in the picture but they're actually like a green-ish teal so they go with my color scheme in my room. The look very nice and I'm happy to have finally defeated the shelf!

I think that I'll save the shooting story for tomorrow. I think it might be too many pictures for one post if I throw that one in today. I'll just give you a sneak-peak.

I got to shoot my mom's 38 Special for the first time ever...I'm a pretty good shot with this thing...I think I'm gonna buy my own...when I'm 21.

Nowhere to go but forward...

Alright, I decided that before I start moving things into place, I'd give you a sneak-peak of my bedroom.

Like I said, in high school I thought that these two colors would be totally awesome...Well I've not only grown out of that but I also have an extremem need for change right now. This room has been a place where I have shared a lot of things with a lot of people (not just J) and I really want this room to be different. I want it to be a place where I can escape and not think about the people that I've shared this room with.

What do you think?

A couple of days ago, I bought a white shelf thing and some drawers to go inside it ( I also bought a bunch of new gym clothes and I spent way too much money...#retailtherapy...haha)

I'm planning to get rid of that dresser in the top picture, my computer/computer desk, and my TV. I am considering also getting rid of that book shelf in the talk picture as well, but I haven't quite decided yet.

I hope that this brand-new room will help me feel...clensed. I've been so frustrated with everything in my life for the longest time. Even when I was ridiculously happy with J and I could hardly want another thing in the world, I felt lost. I felt like I had no direction and no real plans for me. Yeah, at that point, I was planning a life with J. I was really excited about that, but it was hard to be okay with just being a wife. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just didn't see that being the life for me.

Currently, I'm at a turning point (I'm not happy about how I got to this point, but as much as I hate to admit it, it must be for the best...) that basically decides how things go for me for the rest of my life. Yes, it's true, you can change your direction at 25, 30, 50...whatever, but I'm seeing this "transition period" of my life as a very crucial point in my life. 

I talked to J's sister last night. We'll call her T. T said something to me that was very insightful. She said "What other choice do you have than to pick up and forget about it?"

And she's right...I won't just be able to forget the way that I have been treated, and I won't forget this hurt that I am feeling right now, but I don't have any other choice but to pick up and move on with my life.  I'm not going to feel better over night, but I have to take some baby steps...And my room, that is the first step.

I've got nowhere to go but forward... 

P.S-- I check into my unit and get my military ID on Tuesday...I'm getting my drill schedule and I'm gonna get to work...Wish me luck!

My unopened letters to the world

Alright, that last post was...not okay. So, I'm gonna write some Friday Letters...

Dear Katie,

Why are you so hard on yourself? You know that you didn't do anything wrong. Stop trying to reason.

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry that you're suffering because I'm sad, I was hoping that wouldn't happen, but it kind of is...sorry. Hopefully I can make up for it in the future.

Dear bedroom,

Why did I have to paint you green and orange in highschool? It's proving veyr difficult to make that go away and I'm getting kinda tired of re-painting over and over again.

Dear everyone in a functional relationship right now,

I have been having some bad thoughts about you all. I'm sorry. I can't help it.

Dear J,

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you...I love you. Stop this.

Dear family,

I love you guys so much. I know that I have been difficult these past few days, but I really appreciate you guys standing by my side and doing your best to make me feel better.

Dear family (again.)

Stop fighting with each other. The things you're fighting about are stupid and you should be able to see that...Get over it and remember that you freakin' love each other.

Dear Life,

Please stop. Just stop. That's all.



I can't help it.

Disclaimer: Yeah, this is another post about how my heart hurts. I'm sorry to dump it all here but I need an outlet that won't judge me. So, if you don't want to read it...don't.

Today, I woke up and decided that I would put on make up.  I've been avoiding it since Monday because I've just been crying like a baby every day and figured it was pointless. But today, I woke up with a new attitude. I don't feel better. I definitely don't. But I just want to trick myself into thinking I do. So I put on make up. I put on a dress. I combed my hair like I care.

Just as I finish applying my make up then, of course, J texts me. Why in the hell on the one day that I decide that I'm going to be okay and have a good day, does he have to text me and say something mean (I ended up texting him back some bad ranty stuff...I shoulda just put the phone down and forgotten about it...but I didn't.) that ruins my day. Of course, I start to cry. I cried all the way out the door and into work and by the time I sat in my desk make up was all over my face.

Why does he have to do that? Why does he feel like he needs to just keep pushing buttons and hurting me more?  I really want to believe him when he says "I don't love you" and "I've moved on" but I just don't see how that is possible...How can you have your entire life invested in someone on Monday, and have completely changed your mind on Sunday? Does that happen?! Please tell me that it does so I can just believe it and move on with my freakin life...

It has only been a week, and I certainly don't think that it's just all going to be better after some specific amount of time, but I want to do it on my terms my way. Why does J feel like he needs to tell me what I have to do? He doesn't even get that right anymore. He threw that right away when he threw me away...

I have this ache in the pit of my stomach. I feel that I'm unwanted, selfish, stupid, gullible, unloved, ridiculous and hated...And it's not fair that he has the power to make me feel that way. It's not fair that he dictates whether or not I have a good day or not. And it's not fair that he can just quit on me one day after I have finally decided that I can trust him again and I don't want to ever let him go...

Changes...

Well, after a lot anticipation, I discovered that I got the mentor assistant position that I interviewed for. I am definitely happy about that, but after I read the e-mail congratulating me, I only wanted to tell one person...It was hard but I didn't say anything to him...I'm still having a hard time even grasping the reality of all of this. But I'm trying hard...Really hard.

I'm not sure if I've lost weight, but I definitely haven't been eating...I ate some chinese food last night (for some reason, Chinese food is like a magical cure...believe it. It's true.) but really, that's all that I have eaten. I haven't had an appetite. I have been drinking a lot of water in an attempt to fill the gaps... Hopefully I can eat soon.

I have been throwing away all of the clothes that he liked and pretty much anything that is tied to him that isn't important enough to me to save...I have decided to keep all of the other memorbilia that are paper or pictures or whatever. I don't want every trace of him out of my life forever, just the every-day reminders that I can't help but be sad when I see them...

Hopefully by next week, I'll be able to post pictures of my room.  I started painting it last Saturday. When I was in high school, I decided that I wanted my room to be green and orange. So my mom and I got to work. We painted quickly and really didn't pay much attention to detail. I just wanted to get it done. I got a new bed, a new computer moniter and a TV. It was awesome and I felt like the coolest kid ever with the best mom ever.

Now, I just need change. I've needed it for a while, but now I really need it. I painted all of my walls a blueish-green color. All the trim (base-boards and door frames) are in the process of being painted white. It's hard though...white isn't covering the orange and green very well, so It will definitely need more than one coat. And I sould have painted all the trim before I did the walls, but...Oh well, I've already got the wlals painted.  Before and after pictures will be coming soon Hopefully.

Well, until next time, blog world...

P.S. When was driving home from the gym yesterday, I heard this new T-Swizle song on the Radio.  What do you think? Is it a sign? All the songs I've been hearing are either break up songs or get-back-together songs... Or I'm over you songs...It's confusing my heart and my brain :(

Road to Recovery

Today has been...horrible.

I have tried so hard to just keep my chin up and just be okay. But I'm not. I feel like there is just a cloud hanging over me. I spent a lot of my morning laying in "bed" (I'm sleeping on my little sister's floor because I all of sudden decided I had to paint my room) and hating my life.

I cried, and I screamed and I texted J way too much and I did exactly what I told myself not to and what I wouldn't. I begged. To this moment in time, we haven't even talked about this for one minute on the phone. It has all been through texts. How freakin' stupid is that?

I begged and begged and I told him that I would get in my car and be there in the morning. That I wasn't ready to give up and I didn't want to lose him. Of course I was shot down and just continued to hurt and cry and scream and hate. He explained to me that he had "moved on" and truly had no feelings for me anymore...

I'm sorry for saying this, but does that actually happen? Do you wake up one day and say "Welp, I think I'm gonna stop loving my Katie Girl today...I'm sick of her."  ugh...I didn't want this post to be a vent, but now that's exactly what I have made it.

On the bright side (I use bright very lightly unfortunately, let's say a little bit lighter than dim-side) I'm finally getting started on my blog design! I'm not as excited as I was before all of this happened, but I still want my blog to look great even though it is about to morph into something completely different than I had planned.

I also had a personal training session today. My trainer is a cute 23 year old that is always so sweet and makes me feel so good about myself (Even though he makes it so that I can't walk the next day...) so I was actually glad to go and get out of the house. He said a bunch of swear words and listened to me rant about how upset I was and that was good. Personal training may as well be therapy and he's helping me get ready for Basic.

I guess until I get things all figured out and pick myself up of of the floor...(ha, I'm literally sitting on the floor right now...) I'm just going to be as lost as ever. I don't know what to do, but I sincerely appreciate all the kind comments that I got on my last post. I really needed to hear all of the things that everyone had to say. I hope that you're all right. I hope that it gets better...because right now, it kinda feels like the end of the world...I guess that I have just started my road to recovery. I hope that it isn't as bumpy of a road as I'm anticipating...

The Part Where She Gets Dumped

Hey there blog-world, put on your sympathy hats because this is about to get sad.

J decided yesterday, that he no longer loves me. That he'd rather see other people and that I'm not worth the lonliness that he feels every day.

He officially broke up with me and told me that he doesn't  want me to have his ring and that he doesn't feel anything towards me. I don't know what to do.

I have never felt so broken. I had so much trust in J and so much hope for our future. I knew that we were going to make it. I was not scared that this would happen...But I should have seen it coming.

I should have known that it was all too good to be true, and I wouldn't ever get the "happily ever after..." that I wanted.  It's too fair and it's too right for me to just get what I want. Right?

I am sitting here at work, staring at my computer and typing and trying so so hard to not think about him. I'm trying to erase him from my brain but he is everywhere in everything.

I just keep looking towards the sky and asking for the hurt to go away...It doesn't.

For now, this blog might be a little bit...depressing, but I'm going to keep blogging. I think that it will be threaputic in a sense. Obviously the direction is going to change a bit, but I won't let him take this away from me.

I won't.

My Life, My Love, and the World As I See It

Technically, I'm posting twice in one day, but pretend that it's tomorrow. I have a feeling that work will be too busy for my to post and I have too many chores to allow blogging to distract me. So, I'm doing my bloggin' tonight.  And it's a little long winded. If you want to just get to the point, feel free to skip to the last paragraph.

*Disclaimer* 
The following paragraphs do not reflect any official views of the church. They are simply my interpretation of the way things are. (except for the links. That's legit) 

I did not grow up in a particularly religious household, but I live in a place (Utah) that was founded as the foundation of the LDS church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) so naturally, religious beliefs have been a large part of my life.  Even if I had never attended church, I would still know all about how to be a Mormon.

Although I didn't attend church on a regular basis (I went through a stint in high school where I went every Sunday. I'm not sure why it didn't last...) I learned a whole lot about it. In Utah (and Idaho?) we have a building on school grounds where you can elect to go for one class a day and learn more about the church etc. It's called Seminary.  That is where I learned most of what I know. 

For the most part, Mormons are people that live their lives based on a set of rules and moral values described to them in the King James Version of the bible and The Book of Mormon.  I have learned a whole lot of excellent things from those books and I'm about to tell you about it.  Most of the time, I take them out of context and apply them to myself. Typically, you wouldn't do that and you would learn la lesson as a whole, but if you ask me, if you get something good out of it, does it really matter if it was taken out of context? Nope.

1.  One thing I learned (and I'm relearning right now) is that looking for signs is foolish. The universe isn't going to tell you what to do or how to do it, you will only know what to do because you know what is right inside of yourself.  

2.  It doesn't hurt to get on your knees and pray. Maybe you are just doing it to get words out into the world and ask for help, but it definitely doesn't hurt. 

3. There is no magical key to happiness. Personally happiness is determined by you and only you.

4. Forgive. Holding grudes will typically hurt you more than it will hurt the other person, so what's the point?

5. Faith extends beyond your religion. Not having faith in the things you don't fully understand or know will possibly lead to your demise... (so I just kinda decided that one. And by demise, I don't mean die...I just mean like, an overall unhappiness with stuff?)

And that is what I learned in Sunday School. I think that sometimes, I forget those things I know. I forget who I am and I let the opinions and ideals of others impress upon me too harshly.  I forget that I have a completely different thought process and way of dealing with things than the people around me and that I have a lot knowledge in this brain of mine. I should know better than to let other tell me how I should do things. This is my life, my love, and the world as I see. I need to use the things I know to make it the way that I want it.  Right?

Boo Friday

You know, Friday is no fun when you work Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Boo.

Today, I have an interview. How do I look?

I tried really hard not to make the "mirror picture" face. I think I succeeded.

[Edit] My interview is over...It went pretty well I thinkg! I'll find out if I got the job next week! I hate the waiting game I want this soo bad!

I usually don't get nervous for interviews. But I usually don't really care what the outcome is. This time, the position I'm interviewing for is a low-pressure position that will look good on a resume and make my day a whole lot less monotonus. I want it a whole lot more than a team lead positon (I interviewed for that job twice before) because it's in training. I love to be in teaching positon even more than a leading position so I really want it...well, cross your fingers and wish me luck...

Besides that, I went o my first Army PT yesterday. It was...interesting. It was really hot outside and I didn't drink enough water before, so I felt like I was gonna throw up the whole time, but I did alright. It's very different form everything I'm used to. It will take some adjusting, but I'm sure that eventually I'll be back on top where I like to be.

You know, It's weird how much things change so quickly. I feel like I say that a lot, but like my new blog name said, I am living in chaos most of the time. I never know what the next day holds. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it's really annoying.

Today, it's annoying. I have been having a really hard time with...everything lately.

It doesn't help that my mood is defined by the way that things are going with J and I. Most of the time, things are great and I have no complaints, but sometimes, I just don't understand him and he makes me so upset!

I don't get how things go from better than they have ever been, to so annoying I want to rip my hair out...

Long distance relationships suck. Do I say that enough?

Boo.

Photo Dump...(Aka: not creative enough to make these items work together)

Hey guys! How's it going today? I'd be better if I hadn't slept this whole day away. Whoops!  Today's post is basically a bit of a photo dump. I have a whole bunch of pictures and no idea how to create a nice little copacetic post about them so. Here is goes! 

On the way home from work yesterday, I spotted this ridiculous column of smoke. Holy fire on the mountain (again!), Batman...This one is at Camp Williams.  I haven't been listening to the radio to know if it's contained or what is going on, but the whole valley is filled with smoke and the smell of fire. Way too scary. 

Did I ever tell you I got my ears pierced a second time? Well I did and on Tuesday I got to change the earrings in the second hole. I got all excited a took a picture. So here it is!

You can ignore my less-than-stylish hair-do. Or make fun, whatever. 

The next few photos are to announce that I am now on Instagram! I got an account when I first got an iPhone but I majorly neglected it, so I just quit that account and created a whole new one. You can follow me @camocolored. I decided to keep all my names the same. I am a bear of small brain and I forget everything so I try to keep things simple. 

So there's my profile picture! It looks like my ring is on my right hand because I used my front camera...dumb. It's on the left.

Last night, I made sloppy joes for dinner and I couldn't resit taking a photo of them. Isn't that what Instagram is for? Taking picture of your food? Might as well be, because that is most of my photofeed.

Last night I hit the gym with a big goal in mind. I need to be able to run 2 miles in under 20 minutes to pass the Army Fitness Test and I want to freaking destroy it, not just pass it...well I didn't achieve that goal, but I did force myself to run until I hit two miles, which I never do. I always quit after one or sometimes 1.5 when I feel ambitious.

And here is your proof. And yes, those are both instagramed. So go and follow me! I like to have people to share with! 

Also, don't forget to go and follow me on Twitter (Katie Nay @ camocolored) I'm still getting used to it, but I'm really liking it and figuring out how to use it. It's a lot more fun than I expected it to me. (I always thought the only point of it was to tell people when you were taking a poop. I'm being proven wrong.)

And that's all I've got for you today! Yay for actually blogging on my day off. 

Happy Thursday!

One of those days...

Today is kind of feeling like one of "those" days. You know how sometimes, you wake up (late), do a nice big morning stretch, a yawn or two, then you do a nice head jerk to the right with a gasp praying that you didn't oversleep? Well that is exactly what happened to me this morning...

I looked at the time at it was 7:50...I have to be at work a 9, and I feel late if I'm not 15 minutes early. So I jumped out of bed, french braided my hair (probably the worst new skill ever...I never shower before work anymore because a french braid looks so nice...), threw on my new maxi dress and a cardigan and out the door I went...

I cant take a mirror picture of myself without making that face...don't judge.

Now I'm sitting here in my cube and thinking about how my eye lids are heavy and that I don't want to be here...crappy.

In other news, I started a cute lil' Twitter account for my bloggy! You can follow me now! Katie Nay  @camocolored. I'm still trying to figure out how to work it exactly, but follow me beacause I'm cool :)

Also, my order has been put in for my new design! I finally figured out how to center my photo on the top, so I'm a little less frustrated with the way things look right now. I'm okay with it until I've been offically redeisgned and more...awesomeified.

Besides that, I'm missing my favorite part of the summer this year because I'm stupid and picked up way too many hours at work. When we get really busy, they get approval for part-timers like me to bump up their hours temorarily. Seems how I only work 28 hours a week I jumped at the chance to work 35 hours for a few weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that picking up tons of extra hours meant that I couldn't go with my family to this bluegrass thing I've been going to every year since I was 11 years old.  :(( boo...

One upside though?! Some people that we play music with that live down the street from us are going to a JoDee Messina concert. I am soooo excited for that.

I've been listening to Jo Dee Messina ever since I was a little girl riding to school with my momma. It brings back a whole lot of really good memories and I am beyond excited to go and see her live. Now I just need to see Alison Krauss and Dan Tyminski and my life will be complete!

Well I guess that's all I have for today! Have a happy Wednesday my bloggy friends!

A little TOO chaotic...

I just want to say, this weird thing I've got going on right now is just an in-between-layouts sort of ugliness!

Don't worry, it won't stay that way, but welcome to the new blog with a new name! I hope that you like the changes that are to come. Wish me luck in figuring out how to make this thing awesome!

Happy Tuesday!

Blog Stars!

***It's official, I'm getting my blog professionally designed and you will no longer have to suffer through the ugliness that is my blog! Yay!***

I've been trying to figure out what to post on my humble lil' bloggy for my entire work day and beyond, then as I scrolled through my feed, I discovered, it's the first Tuesday of the month! I can link-up with Ms. Monologues.  And you can too! I know that everyone wants to be a blog star, and now you can be :D

If your stopping by from the Blog Star Link-up, welcome to my blog! If I'm just a stop on your daily stroll through you blog feed, welcome back :)

My name is Katie 

That's me...In the First grade.

I've been blogging here since March and it's still kind of a mess. But I'm working on it.

You can visit my "About Me" section or the "Our Love Story" section to get my full story, but right here right now, here is the gist of my sitch.

I'm 19 going on 40. 

I'm in a long-distance relationship. 

I like to think that I'm wise beyond my years. Sometimes it's true,  and sometimes...well it's not. 

I joined the Army a couple of weeks ago! ( I leave for basic in several months.)

I have an iPhone that I am obsessed with. 

Despite my love for a neat organized house, my room is always a disaster. 

I play bluegrass mandolin from time to time (I used to be serious about it, but I see it more as a hobby these days.)

I try to quit drinking Coke every day, but every day I find myself at the vending machine buying one...

I love to make goals and achieve goals especially in the gym. 

I always plan to eat healthier each pay check. It lasts one or two days. 

I started this blog to document my life with my Marine, and it has morphed into something completely different and awesomer...is awesomer a word? It should be.

I love my lil' bloggy and I hope that you do too. 

Stay tuned for a whole bunch of changes around here including a new name, new layout, a grab-able button, and a whole bunch of other fun stuff.  

Thanks for stopping by to my little piece of the internet. I hope you enjoyed getting to know me. I know that I will enjoy getting to know all the many blog-stars that are out there!

Endurance

I just wrote a very long post about how frustrated I am with my life and that I'm annoyed with the way that things are going for me and that I wish I had more control over the things that happen. And it was actually pretty tastefully written and not so bad, but I did this thing where I high-lighted the enitre things and clicked delete.

If there is anything that I learned from my grandma, it's that life is too short. We can't waste our time and energy on being angry and upset. And the only thing that we can do when life gets tough is...endure.

So this is me, enduring.

Happy Sunday everyone. I wish mine was better than it is.

On This Day In History...

My grandma died...

Today marks two years that we have been living our lives without her.

I've only said a few things about my grandma on here, but she really was the most amazing person in the world. At least to my family and to anyone who met her.  She died from pancreatic cancer that she had only been fighting for barely over a year. It's hard to believe that I get up and live every day of my life without her in it.

She was the person I went to for everything.  Sometimes, even though it has been two years, I find myself dialing her phone number when I need someone to talk to or something to cheer me up. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her...

We got the news that she only had about 6 months to live during the summer before my senior year. I had just made the drill team and she was so proud of me. There was nothing she wanted more than to see me on that team...She only saw me dance with them one time at camp during the summer. She didn't see me graduate or join the Marines. She didn't get to be there when J popped the question and she won't be at my wedding...But I guess I'll just have to keep on living...

The worst part? She died on my cousin's birthday...This year, instead of making it a sad day, we decided to get together and have a party for him. Today he turned 15.  

He got a bunch of cool presents and I made him his favorite dinner. 

Better to have too much than not enough right? There's 31 enchiladas there...But they were delicious and worth every second it took to make them. And everyone loved them. I love to cook for a crowd that's not picky.

After all the food, cake, and icecream, we proceeded to play a game. 

My grandma loved games and she passed that love onto us by playing them with us all the time. Every time we get together for a dinner, which is quite often because we all live very close, we play a game. Tonight we picked 

Unfortunately, it turns from fun to ruthless very quickly.  It's impossible to win this game playing with our crazy bunch...

All in all, today was a really tough day.  I'm reminded of what I had to go through right before my senior year started and the fact that I have to grow up with out my grandma.  I hope that this day gets easier.

Why They Be Hatin'?

Today, I thought maybe I would take a look at some website where women talk about how they made their military wedding work. I've been thinking a lot about what J and I are going to do and I thought maybe I would try to see if there were other people in my situation.

To see it first-hand you can go to http://military.weddings.com/ and click on the "Military Wedding Board" on the right hand side.

Of course, I found several a million posts on a website by Theknot.com where women just tear into other women about their problems and situations. I cannot believe it. I mean, yeah, I understand that some people can be very naive about the situation and some of them are just straight up stupid, but what gives you (you being these women that are just destroying these women and probably making them cry) the right to say what they should and shouldn't do?

Yes, I know that these women have already gone through the process of getting married to a man in the military and should have some gem of advice that they can give to people like me that are just lost. But I just don't understand why they are doing it the way that they are.  The sad thing is, it's not just one or two women that are doing this. It's most of them!

For example, I read a post by a girl that said that the distance between she and her now husband has really been upsetting for her lately and she was asking the wedding board people how they cope with the longing. Instead of giving her advice on how they cope with it, almost every person that had a response was criticizing her and telling her that she needed to toughen up and learn to deal with it. It makes me so mad to read.

The whole point of her posting that on the site was to get help with dealing with her problem and instead of giving her advice that would help, they just made her feel like shit for having feelings and missing her husband.  I just can't believe it.  It's like they think that everyone is in the exact same situation as they are, so why can't the just do it the way the did? Wow, I am so glad that I have an awesome bunch of blogs to read when I need support or other bloggy spouses to reach out to. If I had to go message boards like that all the time, I would probably just decide that I don't even deserve to get married because I'm too poor/dumb/not cool enough. Whatever.

What gets me, is they are women that are on a Military Weddings website that have been married for who knows how long that spend all the their time tearing down other women who just want help. Don't they have anything better to do?

How rude...