If you've been following along for a while, you know that I was engaged when I started this lil' bloggy. You also know that I am no longer.
Some days, when I think about it all, I hurt. I think about all my regret and all my pain. I think about how badly I still want everything that we were. Usually, all I can think about is how much I hate, hate, hate. But...
afew days ago, maybe a week or so ago, I was driving home from work and I had some sunflower seeds I was snacking on. I was putting the shells in a little baggy in my cup holder. Suddenly, I started to laugh aloud. I wasn't listening to music or anything so I could just hear my self laughing hysterically as I remember an experience I had with J.
I take this as a good thing...I have really been through a whole lot of shitty and tough stuff in this short life I've lived. But I think that I have been turning good memories into bad ones. Instead of remember how fantastic that summer was and how I will never forget it as long as I live, I just let it hurt me...I can't do that anymore. I can't let the tough stuff eat me up. I just need to be okay. And maybe, just maybe, I will be.