Perspective

Perspective : (noun) the interrelation in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed.

(as defined by Merriam-Webster)

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about perspective. I have thought about it in regards to myself and my relationship.

The way you see a certain situation can make the biggest difference.  That seems like such a *duh* type of thing, but it's surprising to me how hard it can be to take off my figurative glasses and put on someone elses for a minute or two.  I think that it's hard to do because each person has had different experiences in their life that have caused them to see things the way they do.

I think that in a relationship, you have to at least try to trade glasses.  When you have an argument , you have to take a step back and gain some perspective from more than just your angle, becasue chances are, there's more than one way to look at whatever situation you might be in. 

Hmmm...Example? Probably necessary, I can get confusing when I go all philosophical.
My birthday.

In my eyes, a birthday is kind of a big deal. You make some sort of gesture that is going out of your way to be nice to someone because it's their birthday. I see it that way becaseu birthdays in my family are always a big deal. It's not just another day. It's your day.

In J's family, birthdays are not a very big deal. They might have family dinner and cake and icecream but they aren't much for presents and it's just not all that big a deal to do anything particularly special.

So when J just sent me a text that day that said "Happy Birthday (and a few other lovey-dovey things)" and then I didn't hear from him until I sent him a text at 11:00 pm that warned him that I was expecting at least a phone call before the nice was over I was upset. He wasn't even planning on calling me (maybe he was and he got busy or whatever but he was still texting me...I don't know whatever...)  but I honestly couldn't be mad at him. From his point of view, there was nothing more to be done after he acknowledged that it was my birthday.  Too often, you look at something that a person does for/to you (or doesn't do for that matter) as such a crime when to them, it probably wasn't all that big of a deal. Personally, I think that a lack of multiple perspecitves is where problems root from.

That being said, I don't think that being able to have a different perspective is only important when concerning interelations with others. It's also important for a person as an individual to pick up the object in front of them and take a close look from another angle. Recently, I have been working very hard to gain a different perspective (personally, I don't like to say "gain perspective"  without a "different" in there. Because you already have one perspective. Yours.) I have been so down in the dumps lately and have just felt worthless. I have a very negative body image, I feel bad for myself, I think that I'm defective because everything seems to just go wrong for me...

But starting a few weeks ago, I just told myself that it was time to take a step back and try to find a new way to look at this. And I am so glad that I did. Perspective. Give a new one a try. It'll change your life.

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Yeah Yeah, I know two posts in one day...but I'm just feeling bloggy today.  I have a lot to say for some reason.

Although J is doing his mountain warfare training this month and won't be back to his barracks until around June 21st, he got the chance to call me. Twice! His phone doesn't have service, but his friend's does. It was nice to hear from him after two weeks of nothing from him at all.  I loved hearing that he'd been thinking about me even though the whole point of this time apart is to not think about each other...ha...that's a laugh.

So far, this time not talking as been good for us. At least it has been good for me. I'm not worried about why he is or isn't talking to me and I can just enjoy myself and stay busy and do as much stuff as I can to have a good time. I don't know why I haven't been doing this all along. It makes everything so much easier.

I've been hiking, playing music, working in my garden, cleaing my house (ugh...not fun) and staying nice and busy and at the end of the day, I'm excited that I have things to tell J other than, "Today sucked, I miss you. Life sucks. I never do anything..." I can tell that it makes him happier to hear that I'm not so down in the dumps.

***

In other news, I've begun car shopping.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to go to the car lot, get a loan and buy whatever I want, so I've really got to shop.

I would like to have this lovely pearl white Subaru Impreza.

But, yeah, that's not going to happen. I've been shopping a little bit on KSL.com (it's like craig's list except it's just local). I need to find what my dad calls an "out-of-town" car that I can pretty much take anywhere, but then I find myself linger on things that really aren't practical.

Such as jeeps. I can't even describe to you how bad I want a jeep that I can take the top off and drive all over the mountains, but they really just aren't cars that you want to take all over the place, just into the mud.

Even more than a jeep, I'd be so very happy with one of these. No, it's not a Bronco! It's an International Scout...I don't know why I want one so bad, but it really doesn't matter, because they, like Jeeps and the car I currently have are not practical...damn practicaltiy...

Most likely, I will end up getting something like a Honda Civic or a Toyota Corolla, something more in my price range and a bit more suitable for my situation. Currently, I'm driving a GMC Jimmy that guzzles gas faster than I can fill the tank...Anything with better fuel economy will do, even though I dream of bigger and better vehicles.  Hopefully I'll be getting something new very soon and all on my own!

Country Music

Currently, I have this obsession with Pandora Internet radio. Along with that, I like to take screen shots of my favorite songs...so in my iPhone camera roll it's mostly screen shots of a million different songs.

I feel a need to do something with them, so here I go :)

Basically, every night before I go to bed, I turn on Pandora, plug in my headphones and cruise Facebook. Or sometimes it's when I'm getting ready for work or for my day or whatever. When something good comes on, I click the home button, rush to Pandora, X out the ad and *BAM* screen shot that. And sometimes I'm dumb like on the Jamey Johnson one and just screen shot the lockscreen...oh well.

Currently, I'm listening to "Eric Church Radio" and these are the lovely songs that I have just loved so much that I had to screenshot them.

Typically, they are songs that I relate to. Ones that when I hear them, I get all weepy and emotional or I get goose bumps or basically just have some kind of response to. So this is what I've got

Jamey Johnson "In Color"

Kenny Chesney "She's Got It All"

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band "Fishin' In The Dark" (I would consider this one mine and J's song...)

Brad Paisley "Mud On the Tires"

Josh Turner "Time Is Love" (This song is new and I loooove it)

Lee Brice "A Woman Like You"

Jason Aldean "Dirt Road Anthem"

Eric Church "Springsteen" (recently, I downloaded this song and I have been listening to it on repeat for the past...like week or so. And I still get excited when it comes on the radio...)

So there you have it. I'm officially crazy for country music...I've always loved it, but this is a whole new kind of obsession for me. (and this isn't even all the screen shots I took...)

Put A Smile On

Recently, I have leanred a little lesson.  I read some article that I saw in this post from a Military Spouse a while back and I have decided that now is the time to take it to heart.

To summarize just a little, the article is by a woman named Jessie Knadler.  She is the wife of a Captian in the Army Reserve holding down the fort while her husband is on deployment and she is talking about all of the challenges that come with being the wife of someone in the Millitary.  She spoke of how it is sometimes necessary to just say "Everything is fine" even when it isn't. And how sometimes, it's just not so easy to keep that up. That is a very brief summary. You can read the whole thing in the link I posted before.

Anyway, at the time that I read this, I didn't think much about it. I liked it, but I didn't feel like it related to me. J isn't deployed, I'm not raising a child on my own, and I don't really know of all the challenges that await me. But recently, I have been having quite a lot of trouble with myself. I haven't been happy with the way things are going for me. It's not because I'm unhappy with my relationship. This separation that we are going through is temorary and things will get better, I'm sure of it. The problem I'm experiencing now is more of one that he can't solve.

I'm upset that I got discharged from the Marines. I'm mad at myself for not having a plan B.  I sit here at my desk all day and blog about my problems and I haven't got a clue what to do to fix them. And unfortunately, this frustration with myself has seeped into everything else and caused me to be...perpetually grumpy.  And I suck at hiding it.
So when I'm on the phone with J, he gets grumpy becasue I'm grumpy and he dones't want to talk to me. And everyone in my family thinks that I'm being ridiculous when really, I'm just not happy and I'm tired of pretending...

That being said, I still need to supportive of J. It's important for me to not add to the stresses in his life. He's concerned about keeping up and making mistakes. He's worried about the upcoming deployment and being able to do his job. I don't need to be bothering him with my bad mood. I need to remember that...It's not worth making it even harder for him to be away from me...  So, I guess I will just put a smile on and do my best to be happy...